Coach Barbie Haven l Desired Lives Wellness

My life in photos the last few weeks. What have you been up to?

A few take aways from my daily fire life coaching audio:

🔥Overwhelm is deciding to succumb to the feeling of time, pressure & confusion that you chose.

🔥Bitterness erodes the inner working of your mind and will kill your progress completely.

🔥Nothing will change the direction of your life more than your habits.

🔥It's important to remember the wars you've already won.

🔥The standards you set for yourself matter.

🔥Emotional mastery is when you can choose how you'll respond to the unexpected.

These are just a few notes I wrote down in my journal over the last month. If any of these resonate you or you enjoy personal development, you'd absolutely LOVE this app I'm using.

Comment GROWTH and I'll send you a sample audio about setting goals you can listen to for free!

Ps.. Matcha tea latte's with almond milk are my new favorite drink. If you're local - grab one from First Avenue Coffee! You won't be disappointed.

A few days ago I shared vulnerably about how I’ve been feeling in and about my body. As an athlete and person who has been active my whole life, I’ve found navigating peri menopause to be a total mind f**k if I’m honest.

I am better mentally today and wanted to thank so many of you for the comments, messages and even a phone call from my mother.

As a life coach with decades of personal development work under my belt, I have learned what works for me to cycle through the bs chatter in my mind faster.

I thought today I’d share with you how I move from struggle to strength in a short period of time.

The first step is always awareness. You’ve got the get honest and real about the struggle. I encourage you to get brave and say it out loud. I did this publicly on my post. You don’t have to be that bold but it helps if you do. The reason is clear. Our secrets bind us in shame.

Getting it out helps to gain clarity about the situation and it also allows others to affirm you. I am so grateful you felt seen through my post. I felt seen by YOU!

Step two is always a perspective shift. Some call it a mindset shift. I also look at it as an opportunity knock. What can I learn here? How am I contributing to my suffering? What can I do instead?

Step 3 is taking action on the next right step. You’ll know what it is. Trust it. For me it was getting back into my mental clarity and gratitude practice of daily journaling.

I hope these steps help you today. Whether it’s body image crap, needing better boundaries with others, or putting yourself first for once, these steps can help.

Let me know in the comments if you do this or something similar!

I’ve been putting off being completely honest about this because, well, I think I’m still programmed to believe that thin is better. I don’t want to feel that way and I am actively working through all the shadow parts of myself that have been hurt, twisted, and bruised by the internalized misogyny and patriarchy telling women they have to be a certain way to be valued.

It’s not true.
I know this.

But young Barbie believed she wasn’t good enough so she did things to try to prove she was.

When I found a way to lose weight in a healthy way back in 2017, I was ecstatic.

I absolutely LOVED being a size 4 and weighing at one time in the 140’s (same weight as my 7th grade year. Gross).

Since hitting peri menopause in 2022 I started gaining weight rapidly.

It’s been a nightmare honestly.

I am realizing more and more the internal programming and body shame I carry. I’m working on it.

I decided to share publicly now because I’m tired of feeling bad about myself.

I’m tired of having this secret self-hatred while promoting wellness.

I’m sad that I’ve been feeling desperate like I used to and find myself trying to search for quick fixes to feel like myself again.

And then I think… dang, if I’m doing this and I have all the mindset tools to help me stay out of that dark place, what in the hell is happening to the women who don’t have personal growth tools at their disposal daily?

So I’m sharing.

I’m not proud of feeling bad about myself because my body looks different today than it did a few years ago.

I’m also not sorry that I want to change it.

The thing is. I do know how it feels to feel good in my skin and currently I don’t.

I will keep working through the old stuff and actively reframe when I sense I’m placing too high a value on my shape, size, or the scale.

And I will keep doing the work to get to the root causes of my symptoms and rapid weight gain.

At the end of the day, I do know and believe our worth is not dependent on our bodies.

I guess I just wanted to share my experience over the last several years (slides from 2017 to now) to help other women who might be needing to feel seen.

You matter.
You are enough.

Monday reminder: You may not have control of your circumstances but you have 100% control over your attitude. Movement helps. Get after it today!

Waking up to a rainy day in the summer in the PNW. I’m taking it as a sign to slow down and plan for my week ahead, including doing some meal planning/prep which I haven’t done for at least a year. What’s on your agenda today?

Sometimes I look at my body and feel pride for how strong she looks and feels. Other times all I see are flaws. I can be pretty mean to myself sometimes too. I’m not proud of that, but it’s honest. Do you fall into this trap too?

I think the tendency to be so judgmental is more prevalent when I allow myself to get so busy “doing” that I forget to take time to “be”.

The difference is that when you just “BE” you’re present in mind and body.

When you’re present in mind and body you can slow down enough to experience the beauty around you and in you.

When you experience the beauty around you and in you it leads to more genuine security.

When you feel that sense of genuine security you also feel more appreciation.

When you feel a deep sense of appreciation, self-judgement disappears.

So learn to “BE” and notice what happens.

I hope this helps you understand yourself a little better and have a little more self-compassion.

👇What spoke to you? 👇

Strong minds create strong bodies.

It’s no secret I love personal development. I’ve probably consumed hundreds of books over the last 20 years. I have a few stand out recommendations if you’re interested.

But last fall I added in a daily life coaching audio with an app and it’s made a huge difference for me and for my BODi customers.

It’s also one of the first things I recommend when people are seeking my services for life coaching.

Most audios are 1200 seconds or less but feel just as impactful as an hour long coaching session.

I believe so strongly in getting this daily life coaching audio in the hands of everyone I know because I’ve witnessed the difference it’s made.

Whether you love personal development, are just starting out or are seeking a high vibe community of strivers, this is for you!

Give it a try for $29 in my mindfulness accountability challenge starting August 12. It’s completely virtual and can be done anytime during your day.

Let’s dive in together and create incredible mindset shifts to keep your body calm as summer comes to an end and the frenzy of fall sets in.

Comment MIND for the details and I’ll reach out with a free life coaching audio about goals.

The 5 Minds Framework I just learned today is making me re-thinking how I approach every challenge I have!

When I first started my coaching business in 2014 I latched onto the words *begin inspire grow*. They held meaning for me until I eventually outgrew them.

I updated my messaging with new words that felt more aligned *expand elevate evolve*.

While these words still feel aligned, I have been feeling more of a pull to evolve into the next version of who I’m meant to become. Like clockwork, so many areas of my life and business are being challenged during this phase of evolving.

Friendships that were once strong feel distant.

Communities I love feel forced.

Business practices feel outdated and misaligned.

These are not bad things. They are simply “what is” at this time of my life.

I’m sharing this because I think as women on the path of self discovery and growth (which never ends) it can be so easy to make ourselves feel wrong for not loving what we once loved, or for wanting something new and different.

I also want to give voice to the discomfort that I feel in this space. Honestly it’s a lot. But that discomfort is exactly how I know l am in the process of evolving. This in between space is a space of the unknown. That’s why it’s so uncomfortable.

I heard an idea the other day that resonates with me right now and is helping me embrace the discomfort I’m feeling.

The unknown is the perfect place to create from because it is the place where possibilities exist. And what could be better than a whole lot of possibilities???

If you’re in the messy middle or the unknown, I hope this idea helps you too. If it did, consider sharing this message with a fellow learner who is on the path of self-discovery, growth, and/or healing.

Much love! Barbie

Ps… consistent self-care, groundling, and intentionally reflecting using oracle cards are also helpful!

Directness.

We feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them.

Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they’re feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise.

Directness saves time and energy. It removes us as victims. It dispenses with martyrdom and games. It helps us own our power. It creates respectful relationships.

It feels safe to be around direct, honest people.

Be one.

Credit: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.

No clarity. No change.
No goals. No growth.

I don't know who needs this one, but after 5pm, you may want to log off from work and go home. Better yet, go take a walk. Be in nature. Do some stretching. There is not a single job on the planet that is worth you being "on" 24/7, in my opinion (except parenting... that job never ends. Not even for empty nesters...LOL)

I hope you move through the week knowing your number one job is to take care of yourself. We do this in part by setting healthy boundaries, removing ourselves from people and situations that harm us, and no longer participating in arguments about a loved one's addiction.

What boundary are you setting or maintaining this week?

One of the greatest lessons I've learned in life: When people show you who they are, believe them.

One thing I am known for in the wellness industry is my honesty and care for those I serve. I consider it an honor to be chosen to help women navigate their pathway to holistic self-care, boundary setting, and reclaiming their personal power.

Some choose to work with me via my BODi (formerly Beachbody) Partnership (i.e. access to the mindset, fitness, and nutrition tools, strategies & structured home programs that get them RESULTS); and others are looking for more private coaching and personal guidance and want to hire me as their private Life & Wellness Coach.

Both are effective.
Both are valuable.

It all boils down to what you are specifically looking for.

This is exactly why I like to offer a complimentary consult. Whether we meet in person or coffee or over zoom, my goal is to get to know you, your challenge, and your desire. From there we can decide if we are a good fit to work together and how best my offerings support you.

One of the services I am bringing back starting NOW is my Energy Leadership Assessment & Coaching Debrief package. This is a way for you to discover your hidden energetic patterns causing you unnecessary stress, and map out a plan for you to learn how to lead your energy in the direction you want to grow vs. being at the mercy of whatever emotion pops up.

I have availability for 5 people to take advantage of this service.

If you'd like to learn more about how it works or want to explore working with me, let's hop on a complimentary discovery call on zoom over coffee or schedule a 1:1 and see how my modality of coaching might help you transform your life in just ONE coaching session! ♥

Comment CONSULT or DM me to grab one of my limited spots next week!

Question of the day: Do you have the energy you need to serve at the levels you want (as a parent, at work, in your business, as a partner in your relationship, in your personal life)?

Two questions:
Did you need this reminder today?
Are YOU treating yourself with kindness and compassion?

What’s the hardest part for you about setting boundaries?

Conscious change is strategic.

Boundaries are a necessary part of self-care. Without them, we allow others' unhelpful energy to creep into our decisions about ourselves and our lives.

If you aren't sure how to begin, start by auditing where you currently are doing things you don't want to be doing.

Then, change your mind from the previous yes to a current no.

Let some of those things go.

Decide you are no longer available.

Tell people it no longer works for you.

Make it known you are unwilling or unable to do the thing.

This takes practice, but it does get easier.

Remember, you protect your mental and emotional health with every boundary you set.

Coach Barbie

Tell me in the comments, in what ways are you taking time for yourself without feeling guilt?

I trust myself to make the right decisions for my well-being.

Send this to a friend who needs this reminder today. It's okay to say no to the people, spaces, and places that no longer align with your values.

Whether you're just starting to set boundaries or have been at this game for a long time, it can be easy to get discouraged when you feel disrespected or if the boundary you set doesn't seem to matter.

It does matter.

Here are a couple questions to ask yourself when someone isn't honoring a boundary you've set.

1. Have you stated clearly what you are unwilling to accept? Note that you are not telling others what to do here. You are stating what needs to happen (or not happen) for you to XYZ. There is a difference.

2. Is this person emotionally capable of honoring your request? Sometimes, the true answer is no.

3. Did you communicate your next action step if the person is unable or unwilling to meet your boundary needs? If you did, then are you prepared to carry that out? If not, it's not a boundary; you shared a wish.

Save this so you have it next time you need to remember these questions and keep doing the work. It gets easier the more you practice and remind yourself of your worth.

XO, Coach Barbie

I've been on a path of self-improvement in mindset, health, and fitness for a long time.

So long that I now have many people who don't know the me that was a struggling mom in a marriage who then became a single mom of two boys (8 and 5 yrs old).

I was married to an active addict, drowning in insecurity, self-doubt, and hiding in shame from the massive amount of pain I was feeling from the circumstances addiction brings to a family.

Things are much different now.

Happier.

Healthier.

Healed.

It's the best outcome I could have ever asked for. I even have a solid, healthy relationship with my ex-husband.

But best of all, I have the best relationship with myself.

THAT is the power of healing. Of doing the inner work that leads to consistent self-care in mind and body.

I have many ways to help you get started. Whether it's being a customer with me as your BODi (formerly Beachbody) Partner, earning some extra income as a BODi Partner like me (getting paid to be healthy and help others), or as a private coaching client to dig deeper into your thought patterns that hold you back.

Whatever stage of recovery you're in, please know the best is yet to come!

Drop a ♥ if this helped encourage you today. Send me a DM if you want to chat or have questions.

Sunny skies ☀️
Fresh air 🌬️
Movement 🚶‍♀️

A few things I am grateful for today.

What about you?

The best inspiration I’ve found for setting boundaries around my own mental wellness and self-care is seeing others with more challenging lives doing the dang thing. 💥

The truth is there is always something we can do that helps move us in the right direction.

I get that it can be hard. But you can do hard things. I promise.

I used to be someone who would wait for things to not feel hard before taking action.

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

Once this (insert anything you’re working on) happens, I will be able to (insert thing you’re putting off).

Friends, there is a better way to approach life and it starts with being willing to become someone who embraces self improvement as a way of life.

I am not talking body goals but if you have those, great!

I am talking about tapping into systems that support you in life of BEing your best self, even when life is hard.

I’m going to be talking about self improvement as a way of life on my next FB LIVE inside my private Mindset & Muscles Women's Community.

If you’re on the path of healing, self care, empowerment, or self discovery, this community might be a good fit.

Click the link in the comments to join and if there is something specific you’d like coached on during my LIVE, I will do my best to address it!

No string attached. This community is my way of giving back. I once needed support for my healing and self care journey so I created this safe space for other women who may need that too.

DM or comment if you have questions!

It's hard to stay up on your wellness goals if you aren't tending to your mindset. Agreed?