Nikkol Adams, MA, RCC

I offer a 15-minute consultation to get to know me and my practice better prior to scheduling sessions. You can book an initial consultation appointment (no fee) through the Jane App at your convenience at the following link https://mindbodyshen.janeapp.com/ Currently accepting new clients.

Book Online at MINDBODYSHEN Traditional medical practice originating from China, treatments include acupuncture, cupping, guasha and herbal prescription.

• Trying to be someone we’re not often results in low self-esteem. When we pretend to fit into roles or expectations that do align with our values or beliefs, we experience internal conflict and a sense of disconnection from ourselves contributing towards feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and a lack of self-acceptance.

Embracing our authentic selves - all parts of our being - is key to building genuine confidence and a positive self-image. It allows us to honor our uniqueness and fosters a sense of self-worth that isn’t reliant on conforming to external standards or expectations.
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When we ignore our emotions, they grow and can feel out of control.

When we lean into our emotions, they become familiar and form a better understanding towards responding.

Calm might be the result of regulation but it is not the goal.

Learning your emotional response patterns and choosing how to direct your energy, instead of allowing the emotion to create reactive behaviour, is the essence of regulation skills.

It’s learning to identify that emotion in the body, give it a name, and then choosing a how to respond.

Building a relationship with your emotions brings a closer connection to yourself as you observe all states of your being.

When we connect with ourselves we begin to create a deeper sense of self-compassion and agency in our lives.
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Gratitude is not an emotion. It is a state of being from moment to moment. It is the process of interpreting our human experience - acknowledging ourselves, others, and the world in motion.

I invite you to write a letter to yourself and as you write, notice how your words land in your body and the feelings that arise. Observe yourself in that moment of acknowledgment and breathe.

You might choose to write about a goal you achieved or are working on. You may write about trainings completed, relationships created, overcoming a challenging moment, or anything else that comes to mind.

After you finish writing your letter, read it back to yourself and just notice how you feel.
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A mindfulness practice is more than going to a yoga class or meditating routinely. Although they can help build the minds capacity to tune inwards with non-judgement, a mindfulness practice is noticing yourself (behaviours, thoughts, emotions) throughout the day within your interactions with others and yourself.

It’s about taking your yoga or meditation practice outside the designated area (a class or location in your house) and applying your thoughtful reflections and responsiveness rather than reactivity into your every day activities.

A mindfulness practice is a life style choice. A choice to live consciously - making the unconscious conscious.

Living mindfully can create many pleasant feelings one of them being a sense of agency as one chooses to respond rather than react - noticing what is in your control to change or influence.

Most of all, mindfulness is a way to get to know one’s self better and in relation to the world and others.
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Fear is strong emotion that can cause avoidance behaviour is all ages. Avoiding a situation that is non-dangerous but stimulates fear provides a temporary relief but increases the fear in the longer term.

Overcoming fear is done not through avoidance but rather through experience. Facing your fear and moving through the experience brings a felt sense of mastery over the perceived danger of the non-threading situation.

This is a strategy often used in therapy to overcome trauma and anxiety symptoms. Working along side a therapist, the fear is faced in a safe and controlled manner in order to take back the felt sense of control over your emotional experience.

This strategy is not always comfortable and purposely exposes one’s self to an anxiety provoking situation at a pace that is manageable - starting slow and working your way up.
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Whether you are a aware of it or not, the more strongly you identify with your thoughts the more intense your emotional energy charge will be.

Emotions hold an energetic charge. When we are mad or angry, we may feel hot or shake. When we are sad or upset, we may feel heavy and slow.

Thoughts can influence this emotional charge. If we have unhelpful thoughts that are self-critical or catastrophic, we may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or defeated.

The quality of our thoughts influences the quality of our life.

The practice of paying attention to your thoughts in anon-reactive way helps decrease the emotional change and allows one to respond rather than react.

When we choose to response, we feel a sense of agency over our life’s rather than an emotional roller coaster of self-driving feelings that may create a sense of lacking control.

Counselling - along with other practices such as mindfulness, yoga, and body based therapy’s - can help support your personal grown towards taking charge of your life again and not having emotions run your actions.
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When we look inside and find ourselves worthy of love, hope, and joy, we more easily create healthy, supportive relationships that sustain us rather than drain us.

When we deem ourselves worthy, we begin to seek qualities in a partner that support the relationship and your own self-growth.

You no longer tolerate mistreatment.

You advocate for your needs and engage in compromises.

You have a voice.

When you deem yourself worthy, you find yourself with more energy to give rather than feeling like you’re surviving.

The process of counselling can can help with reconnecting to your inner self and support living your life authentically with another.

We heal individually but we also heal together.
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Trauma work in therapy involves …

Stabilizing and safety: getting firmly planted in the present - finding individual ways of coming back to the current moment.

Separating past from the present and future: able to look at the past and stay rooted in the present - separating the past from the present and be able to think about and create your future.

Rebuilding balance and connection: able to look to the future and feel like you can have the one you imagine - the past is in the past

Note: this process isn’t distinct but evolving alongside one another through the course of therapy
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Awareness around these factors is to bring additional compassion for where a person is currently at in their life. It’s important to walk along side the person - meeting them where they are and not advising or telling that person what to do.

Having supports is an important factor for the depressed person to learn how to manage their mood and wellbeing. The biggest supports involves the depressed person themselves, their family and friends, and professional help.

It can be difficult supporting someone in their darkness and despair; but, it is really important to maintain connection with the depressed individual.

It’s one of the kindest and humblest things you can do as you support that person coming through to the other side of their wellness journey.

It takes time and patience for this process to unfold.
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Children learn differently from adults as they rely heavily on play, exploration, and imagination to make sense of the world around them. Play is an important part of children's intellectual, socioemotional, and physical development by promoting cognitive and executive functioning.

Children engage in a wide range of play activities and in a verity of forms such as motor, imitative, fantasy/pretend, and sociodramatic. Play mirrors the child's present skill level and provides opportunity for consolidation and practice of newly acquired abilities.

Children have a natural inclination to play and they need a balance between a certain amount of free play and adult involvement in play. Adults can be active facilitators in children's play by enriching the play environment.

➡️ Swipe for ideas on how to enrich the play environment
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Play is not bound by age but as we get older, adults tend to loose the value of play for children and with their children.

Playing as a family can improve each members wellness.

𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚢:
• helping to establish family and individual goals
• contributing towards forming family structure and routine
• learning to set limits and behavioural expectations

Through play, families begin to understand how to support one another while establishing a predictable, safe environment where children feel supported as they develop.

𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. Include a good range of toys, games, and activities suitable for the all ages of the family.
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(Information provided by Greg Lubimiv's workshop on "Play Therapy with Families and Working with Groups", organized by the BC Play Therapist Association, 2019)
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A child’s age can make a difference.

There is incredible growth in children's development during the first two years of life. From birth, children quickly learn to understand a great deal of what is being said and happening around them.

Changes in routine and conflict between parents are bewildering and painful for very young children. They can sense the feelings of an upset parent and can become upset themselves. Their lives can feel unpredictable, confusing, and at times frightening when their parents are in distress.

During this critical stage of development, infants and toddlers need plenty of stimulation and loving attention. When babies receive warm, responsive care, they are more likely to feel safe and secure with adults who take care of them
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(Information provided from the book 'Because life goes on... Helping Children and Youth Live with Separation and Divorce' from Health Canada, Pg. 30)
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(📷 fb: Brittany Amanda Photography)

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𝐀 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐦 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐀 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝:

𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵. That confuses me and makes me try harder to get away with everything that I can.

𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘢𝘮. I will make up for it by behaving like a 'big shot'. Don't try to discuss my behaviour in the heat of a conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse.

𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦. You'd be surprised how well I know what's right and wrong.

𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴. I need to learn from experience.

𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨. An honest apology makes me feel better and shows you care about my feelings. It will help me feel safe to apologize, too.
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(Memorandum provided from the book 'Raising Great Parents' by Estes, Cathcart-Ross, & Nash, Pg. 130)
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𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞:

1. What a child does:
• Interrupts parent when on the phone or chatting with a neighbour
• Shows off at school or is a clown at dinner
• Asks parent to do everything

2. How a parent reacts:
• Feels frustrated, annoyed, irritated, guilty
• Reminds, coaxes, does things the child can do for themselves

3. Why a child acts this way:
• Seeking proof of love
• Believes time=love
• Thinks if the parent isn't attending to them, the parent is withdrawing love

4. What you can do in situations like these:
• Show unconditional love
• Give attention when it is appropriate
• Tell your child when you're going to be busy
• Don't do something a child can do for themselves
• Plan special times
• Touch without words
• Say, for example, "I love you, and I will spend time with you when I'm off the phone"
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(Information provided from the book 'Raising Great Parents' by Estes, Cathcart-Ross, & Nash, Pg. 103)
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(📷 fb: Brittany Amanda Photography)

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𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐫: 𝙰𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝙿𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛, 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚌𝚢

All behaviour has purpose. They are a form of communication that involves an exchange of both verbal and non-verbal messages

You can't change behaviour unless you understand it. Develop a curiosity about their behaviours, finding the meaning behind their actions

𝙰𝚜𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏:
1. What is the function of the behaviour?
2. Why was this behaviour necessary?

Guide children's behaviours in a positive manor without diminishing their autonomy and individuality

➡️ swipe for more information on the goals of behaviour and how to redirect children's actions
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Things parents typically say to children when they feel frustrated that are not always helpful towards child development:

BLAME: "what have you been doing up here? I told you, we don't have time to fool around this morning. The trouble with you is you never listen!".

MICRO-MANAGE: "I need you to go upstairs, brush your teeth, wash your face, and get into your pajamas. Then it's story time."

DEMAND: "I don't care if you are watching TV. Turn if off now! Get your backpack ready. What are you waiting for?"

COMPARE: "why can't you be more like your sibling? They are two years younger than you, and they always are ready on time".

THREATEN: "if you don't come down right now, there will be no dinner for you".

SCOFF: "you knew you had a test tomorrow and you left your book at school. Brilliant!"

CONTROL: "no, you can't go for a sleepover tonight. You need your rest."

CRITICIZE: "what is the matter with you? Can't you remember even the simplest thing?"

PUNISH: "you stay in your room until I tell you to come out".

GIVE-IN: "do what you want, I'm tired of fighting with you".

As you reflect on these statements, we as parents can make time-to-time, imagine how a child would feel receiving those messages. How did you feel? Did you feel happy or hurt?

How we communicate with children is very important. It can send messages about what we think of them, effecting how they perceive themselves and others

What messages have you been sending to your children? How do your actions and words let them know?
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(Information provided from the book 'Raising Great Parents' by Estes, Cathcart-Ross, & Nash, Pg. 198-200)
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Using the breath creates a moment of connection with yourself when feeling overwhelmed.

Breath creates a dialogue with the body and allows an intentional moment of self awareness as you check in with the present moment and what is needed.

Often when we are anxious, stressed, or on the edge, the breath is shallow and fast. This breathing style activates the Fight-Flight-Freeze response in the body often causes the body to react rather than respond.

When we actively change the breath, this signals to the body and mind to slow down and create a moment of thoughtful awareness - conscious living.

Using the breath allows the mind and body to integrate the information it is receiving and create an opportunity of responding rather than reacting.
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Trauma is an experience of an actual or perceived threat of a serious injury to some self or another.

It creates a psychological and physiological wound in our body as it can create a prolonged activation of the nervous system, sending the nervous system into a hyperaroused state resulting in hyper-vigilance (an ongoing alert state).

This is an adaptive response. We need this energy in the moment to survive; however, once there is no longer a threat remaining in this state can cause emotions and biological disturbances.

Therapy helps individuals bring awareness to and create emotional regulation skills for addressing the repetitive responses in the nervous system.

Increasing awareness to and applying regulation strategies helps decrease the “threat response” in the nervous system in order to find a sense of familiarity towards your physical sensation/reactions and a reconnection to the self.
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The human brain produces different types of vibrations:
• Beta waves (23-38 hertz, the measurement of brain frequency) occur during active thinking and problem solving
• Alpha waves (8-12 hertz) take place during relaxation and calm
• Theta waves (4-7 hertz) corresponds to sleep, deep relaxation, hypnosis, and visualization
• Delta waves (below 4 hertz) occur during sleep
• Gamma brain waves (39-100 hertz) are produced during higher mental activity and the consolidation of information. They are present during awakening and during rapid eye moment (REM) sleep as well as higher states of awareness including mediation.

Compared to ordinary consciousness, meditation increases alpha, beta, theta, and gamma waves and reduces delta waves. The overall effect is increased concentration as well as contributing to a calm, creative, and focused pattern of brain activity.
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(Information provided from the book “Buddha Standard Time: Awakening to the Infinite Possibilities of Now” by Iamma Surya Das)
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𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐟 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟

1. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜:
• withdraws from the parent, or life, both physically and emotionally
• goes into their shell
• won't try anything

2. 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚊 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚜:
• feels lost and helpless
• pushes their child harder or gives up in them
• does everything for the child

3. 𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜:
• feels deeply hurt, hopeless, and perhaps not worthy
• has no faith or confidence in themselves
• may think parent doesn't believe in them
• has been criticized too much
• has been humiliated over mistakes or inadequacies

4. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚍𝚘:
• show belief in child's ability to learn
• stop all criticism
• reinforce their value and importance to the family
• be patient, take it step by step
• celebrate small successes
• don't do things the child can do themselves
• encourage, encourage, encourage
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(Information provided from the book 'Raising Great Parents' by Estes, Cathcart-Ross, & Nash, Pg. 126)
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(📷 .frames.photography)

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Children (and youth) become more resilient when adults allow exposure to certain amount of risk within new situations.

It’s not always easy to watch a little one struggle at a new task and to be patient as they learn. Helping to guide children through challenges, rather than doing it for them, builds their immunity towards novel experiences while simultaneously learning how to manage big emotions such as frustration.

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭:

1. 𝘙𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘹𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. Children learn that once they survive the initial struggle they will be able to manage it better next time. Time and practice builds their competency.

2. 𝘌𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. Evaluate the pros and cons. Allow them to come up with the ideas and offer yours as a last resort.

3. 𝘈𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴. Resist the temptation to save and protect. When children experience uncomfortable feelings they learn that feelings can be endured, dealt with, and eventually overcome. Be their to support their emotions through listening and validation.

Remember to use your judgement. If physical safety for your child or others becomes a concern, adults should always interfere.
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(Information provided and adapted from the book 'Raising Great Parents' by Estes, Cathcart-Ross, & Nash)
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Emotion is the physics words for describing energy in motion. It is a state of energy within ourselves that we then attach descriptive words to such as feelings.

Being aware of our emotions is vital for understanding our feelings to create balance for our overall wellbeing.

They are part of our inner world that provides important information about our personal passions and meaning in life that allow us to guide our decisions.

Emotions are a fundamental experience of our mental life and have an important impact on our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world.

Sharing our emotions allows us to feel more connected, closer, and be understood - allowing space for us to relate with others more deeply.

Emotions can be uncomfortable, at first, to get in touch with when we have actively learned to suppress them.

With practice and thoughtful reflection, we can learn to identify our emotional state, the feelings attached, and how to direct the energy in a meaningful way.
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Parenting can often take your mind wondering into future worries and concerns about your child's potential creating parenting anxiety.

When parents have anxiety, they can act in ways that communicate messages to their child about their capability to handle life's challenges.

Swipe for tips to manage parenting anxiety ➡️
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🖋 Quote by: Stacia Tauscher
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