Grief and Living After Loss

We (and everything other living thing on our planet) were not created to be alone, to suffer alone and grieve alone...

My dad has bees.Today I went to his house and he showed me all of the honey he had gotten from the hives. He took the lid off of a 5 gallon bucket full of honey and on top of the honey there were 3 little bees, struggling. They were covered in sticky honey and drowning. I asked him if we could help them and he said he was sure they wouldn't survive. Casualties of honey collection I suppose.
I asked him again if we could at least get them out and kill them quickly, after all he was the one who taught me to put a suffering animal (or bug) out of its misery. He finally conceded and scooped the bees out of the bucket. He put them in an empty Chobani yogurt container and put the plastic container outside.
Because he had disrupted the hive with the earlier honey collection, there were bees flying all over outside.
We put the 3 little bees in the container on a bench and left them to their fate. My dad called me out a little while later to show me what was happening. These three little bees were surrounded by all of their sisters (all of the bees are females) and they were cleaning the sticky nearly dead bees, helping them to get all of the honey off of their bodies. We came back a short time later and there was only one little bee left in the container. She was still being tended to by her sisters.
When it was time for me to leave we checked one last time and all three of the bees had been cleaned off enough to fly away and the container was empty.
Those three little bees lived because they were surrounded by family and friends who would not give up on them, family and friends who refused to let them drown in their own stickiness and resolved to help until the last little bee could be set free.
Bee Sisters. Bee Peers. Bee Teammates.
We could all learn a thing or two from these bees.
Bee kind always.~
~author unknown
art: Autumn Skye Morrison

Unexpected flowers arrived yesterday and bought so much joy with them. How gorgeous are these in my favourite colours and my favourite flowers, even turned up in a neon orange box!!🧡

Love, joy and gratitude comes in many ways if we are open to recieve it 💐

When you are ready for love, joy and gratitude in your grief, let the univarse know, say it outloud and let your mind be fully aware you are ready to recieve 🧡

Our emotions are messages

Often the more difficult the emotion is, the more powerful the message they are trying to give us.

This isn’t something we can always understand or even appreciate in the moment. But something that we can realise after the event, this could be years down the line or the next day.

Empowerment comes with being able to not push back on these difficult emotions, but to be with them, notice them, listen to them, hear what they are saying or at least try to understand them.

Grief is full of emotions and full of possible stumbling blocks. Learning to walk alongside the emotions and difficult times with compassion, patience, and love, will help you to remember with more love than pain and give you freedom from the pain of grief so you can live fully after loss.

Thought of the day…

Judging ourselves has no positive outcome.

If a friend needed your emotional support would you judge them or be compassionate towards them?

Be a friend to yourself so you can bring in calm instead or judgement, feel safe instead of overwhelm and from that space of calm and safety, take one action to support yourself 🧡

We often prioritise our teeth, hair, nails, clothes etc over our mental health.

You have to live with your mental health day in and day out, don’t let it be a forever struggle. Just because others may not see your mental struggles straight away, they will at some point, without you even knowing and it will show over what clothes you wear or how gorgeous your nails are.

So check in with yourself and take care of yourself from the inside out. Then do your nails ASWELL!

Happy Anniversary my love 💓

Oh how we partied, laughed, rocked out, travelled, explored and lived, fully. You are always in my heart ❤️ and no words explain quite how much you are missed, but how lucky I am to have so many memories filled with happiness and joy.

Thought of the day…

There is nothing wrong with you because you feel sad, are grieving or are feeling any other uncomfortable feeling.

Stay open, curious and loving towards yourself so you can be with the feeling and help it pass. There is a message in your feeling and it will keep coming back until you have heard it.

Sometimes our mind refuses to acknowledge something but our body will always find a way to make us feel it

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Sometimes our mind refuses to acknowledge something but body will always find a way to make us feel it

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Doing fun stuff and bringing joy into our lives after loss can bring guilt, judgement and pain.
Self judgement and from others. If we are having fun we have forgotten them, we don't love them as much, we aren't hurting when we "should" be, our loved ones can't have fun, so we shouldn't.
I have never understood why there is so much judgement on people grieving, I hate to say, but particularly towards widows.
They haven't grieved long enough, they can find someone new, remarry, they started dating too soon, you can replace a partner, they look like they are all right now, and many more.
Grieving is such a personal journey and it doesn't stop because you have a good day or are dating someone else. You don't "get over" someone dying or replace them, but what you can do and what I support my clients with is healing from the pain and learning to live with grief in a healthy way that still means you can function around it, grow around it and live a fulfilled life around it. That doesn't mean you don't miss your person or have bad days or love them any less. But for the majority of people who are widowed, every single part of their life changes when their partner died, from big things to the smallest things, being alone, plus there is a huge mass of secondary losses that society doesn’t recognise that are gut renchingly painful on a daily basis AND yrs down the line when children grow and you are grieving for their loss too.
So, if someone is having fun in the midst of all this, good for them. If someone is dating, thank god they aren't alone all the time, if someone is going out and doing "normal" stuff soon after their loss, try to remeber that the strength to do that is also exhausting on the body, so give them a break. Trying to grieve in a society that doesn’t 'get it' and doesn’t know how to support people grieving is very VERY difficult. Grief is tough enough without the judgement, guilt and pain. So next time you are making assumptions about how someone is living their life after loss, please stop and thank the universe you aren't in their shoes and help them bring some more joy in their life around the grief that will be in their heart forever more.

Death leaves holes in our life.

It is ok to feel it, it is our reality, it is a part of life, a part of us. Don't push it away and pretend it doesn’t exsist because it might feel painful and uncomfortable. The duality and balance and being able to live healthy fulfilling lives in grief, comes by giving everything our attention.

I am here for this, I am here to feel, I am here to experience all of my life not just part of it. It isn't easy but my life becomes more when I am present and don't live in fear.

I learnt this, it isn't something that I could do automatically, it is something I still have to practise. Feeling joy after so much pain can be as hard as feeling the pain. But it comes with help and support, guidance and growth.

You can have it too, reach out if you have questions or want support in your grief and living 🧡

Happy heavenly birthday to my big brother Ed

Breathe in the feelings, the pain, let the tears roll.

Of course we don’t want to feel it, but they are there and aren’t going away.

They are love, memories, feelings with no where to go, they are chemicals in our body giving a message.

Notice how the feelings eventually settle when we sit with them.

Focus on being aware, let them be and listen so they can flow and move through you, not stay stuck in you.

Release them so there is more space for love and compassion.

More space to remember with love not pain.

More space to keep living and honour your loved ones.

More space to notice the signs and feel their energy.

More space to live instead of survive.

Loved this simple image, thank you to Marc Johns for it.
It is normal to loose fun, in all its forms, when grieving.
Bringing fun back into life after loss can also be very difficult. But it is part of the healing process and learning to live with grief. Letting fun back in is important but when fun comes with emotions such as as guilt and fear, and it feels uncomfortable it can be the last thing you want to let in long side grief.

How about using the words joy, nourishment or self care instead. Let’s start by bringing in feelings of comfort and care and work our way up to fun.

Does that feel better?

Books, groups, people, mindfulness, counselling, websites… what helped you grieve more peacefully?

OMG!!! I just did a thing.....
I have applied for next years marathon in aid of Kidney Care UK with Amie Stuart

Keep your fingers crossed for me🤞🤩🏃‍♀️👟

Some of you may be aware that my son has a rare kidney disease, my niece and nephew have both had kidney transplants and live with the trials and tribulations of that and my brother who died in Dec 2013 had kidney problems. So, as you can imagine, Kidney research and support is hugely important in my life.

My niece told me this eve that she has been accepted to run in next years marathon, so I decided I am going to support her and signed up!!! I still have to wait to be accepted, hopefully!, but even if I am not, I will be supporting her in her training and sponsorship.

Her/our aim is £2500 each, minimum!

However this journey moves forward (even if I don't get picked and am just doing the training with her), any and all support is so very welcome and appreciated.

Amys journey and sponsorship link is below, my sponsorship link will be coming when 😉🤞 I get accpeted for the marathon 💫🌟💫🌟

Even if you can't donate, follow our journey and wish us luck!!!!🍀

Mindfulness taster class tomorrow in Headcorn.

Helping children listen to their bodies and respond not react to their emotions.

message for more details

I can't believe it was nearly a year and a half ago since my tv debut on 'Life after Tom' on itvBe.

Bringing awareness to the world about grief and loss, how different everyone's experiences are and how many ways there are to be supported through grief and loss is so important to me. We all need different things but how do we even begin to know what we need? ...Through talking openly and honestly, by sharing, not judging, being willing to be vunerable and listening.

Healing through and living with loss is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, especially when we aren't taught to be with our emotions. Instead we are experts at pushing our emotions away, for them only to silently damage our body and take control of how we live our lives and then they pop up out of our control anyway and force us to deal with them whether we like it or not.

Supporting people through grief and teaching children to build the skills to be mindful about theirself and their emotions is so important to me as I didn't have that and when it came to having to live through the loss of my husband, Dad, father in law and my brother, I needed those skills more than ever.

Don't push your emotions aside, reach out and support yourself to work through them for yourself and your loved ones. There is nothing tough about ignoring them, the empowerment and peace comes from moving through the emotions.

Comment below and I will see if I can help…

Having expectations brings grief.

They are one of many things we need to grieve after loss

Self love is…

Are you wanting to heal consciously, addressing 5% of your mind and not getting to the root cause of the issue?

Or do you want to go deeper than surface level to the root cause of the issue, to the subconscious, 95% of the mind and heal at that level?

I spent a lot of time and money not knowing I was trying to heal at the conscious, surface level and not getting to the root cause of the issue. When I found a therapist who worked at a subconscious level, that’s when my healing shifted to another level 🧡 that’s unsurprisingly, why I work on a subconscious level!

Emotional pain goes deeper, bereavement cuts deep, make sure your therapy is deep!

What are you doing for yourself today, how are you being present in your own life?

Take a moment to stop and just be. After all, you are a human being, not a human doing!!!

“I’m not ready”

I hear this all the time in regards to seeing a therapist/counsellor/coach.

My question is, if you had tooth ache would you wait for it to be less painful to see a dentist?
If you are ill, would you wait to feel better before going to a doctor?

I understand it is daunting and scary talking to someone and asking for help, but what are you waiting for?

To feel less emotional pain, to try and work through it yourself and see a specialist when you don’t feel so much?

The point is to speak to someone when it is painful and not go through the process alone. You aren’t meant to suffer more alone and see a someone specialised in the pain you are going through when you don’t feel so much pain.

Just food for thought, and put out there with a lot of love 🧡

WAY Big Picnic for TN Kent is happening today!!!

WAY’s (Widowed and Young) Big Picnic is an annual event which takes place in May each year at locations all around the UK. Last year, WAY had more than 30 picnics in all 4 corners of the country. It is the only event where members can bring along friends, families and supporters to connect with others and see the power of WAY’s peer to peer support in action.

Our Big Picnics are a chance to come together for a weekend of friendship and awareness raising.

This year the Kent TN area group will be having their picnic at Headcorn Aerodrome.

This was me at a WAY big picnic 2016 trying to play rounders whilst holding Oliver and Kester who wouldn’t leave my side 😆 Thankfully lots of lovely people around to step in and help out and made my boys feel comfortable!

Grieving is a natural process but navigating it can be really challenging.

We aren’t taught how to be with our emotions, so living in a busy world where life gets in the way of looking after ourselves at the best of times, means that being with the tough, painful emotions of grief is often even more challenging and complicated than it could be.

Opinions, expectations, limiting beliefs, busy, stressful lifestyles, pressures of work, money, parenting, time pressures, negative self talk, diet and lack of self care, and many other factors all contribute to grief being unresolved, complicated, delayed and can cause a lot of extra stress and physical dis-ease.

Grief is hard enough, let’s avoid making it harder.

My work is to help people heal on a subconscious level and process emotions in a safe way.
I help people to identify, challenge and reframe negative beliefs and create compassionate and empowering thoughts and ways to support their self and find a sense of peace.
Together, we work through processing emotions, find meaning and purpose, coping with triggers, working through anniversaries and holidays, honouring your loved ones memory and taking care of yourself and what is to come going forward.

It is a journey you don’t have to walk alone through. We will go at your pace and with my many tools and different modalities, the journey will be as individual as you and your grief are and tailored to what you need.

Message me for more info or to book a call