Amy Launder Psychotherapy

I am in it alongside you. I am right there next to you through the dark, the cold, and the storm. And I'm celebrating with you through every lightbulb moment, through every win (big or small), and through every step of the journey💫
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What had the other person said or done that triggered you? What did they look like, sound like, behave like, or even smell like? Did they remind you of someone else? Did they remind you of a specific event in your life?
How did you cope with feeling triggered? What did "feeling triggered" feel like to you?
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My point is... anyone can fall for a narcissist's charm. It doesn't make you gullible, or weak, or stupid... narcissists are masters of manipulation, using their charm and wit to get what they want from who they want.
No one is immune to the charm of a narcissist.
This Saturday, I am hosting an online workshop all about recognising signs of narcissism in relationships and dating, the methods that narcissists use to manipulate their victims, and the reasons that we might not leave these relationships sooner... Click the link in my bio to find out more!

If you are in therapy, or thinking about starting therapy, have you thought about the answer to this question?
Another way to word it, and something I ask during the first session, is: "When will you know that it's time to end therapy?" or "How will you know if therapy has been helpful?"
A lot of us go to counselling, therapy, or coaching, without really thinking about what the outcome will be. We are just focused on the current problem. Which is fine, but often we then don't really have a goal in mind or don't notice when we reach it.
Think of it this way; one day you wake up with a cold - your nose is blocked up your throat hurts, etc - you notice it immediately. As the cold progresses, you keep finding yourself annoyed that you feel unwell. The cold slowly gets better until one day you realise it had gone completely - when did that happen? Did it disappear over night? Were you feeling better yesterday afternoon? Yesterday morning?
It may sounds silly, but often we only notice the "problems", not the "lack of problems", so we don't really notice when we are "recovered".
What would it look like for you? Would it be:
🙊Being able to speak up in meetings without feeling anxiety?
💕Being able to be in a relationship without old triggers causing unnecessary arguments?
❤‍🩹Ending the relationship that was unhealthy and rebuilding your sense of self and confidence?
How will you know that therapy has "worked"?

We all have a Window of Tolerance - some are very wide, and some are very narrow, and they are made that way by life events that we have experienced. For example, someone who has seen military combat, been sexually assaulted, or abused will likely have a narrower window than someone who hasn't experienced these things.
Having a narrow window means that we are more likely to spend time outside of our Window of Tolerance, and more time in either hyper- or hypoarousal. When we are in hyper- or hypoarousal, we experience the symptoms listed above.
Some people who are traumatised spend all of their time in one of these arousal states (i.e. they are always impulsive, hypervigilant, and paranoid, or they are always numb and depressed), while others flip between the two states.
Being inside our Window of Tolerance doesn't mean that we are always calm and zen. It just means that we are able to tolerate strong emotions and difficult situations without becoming numb to it all or without resorting to adrenaline-seeking activities or drug-taking in order to distract ourselves.
The good thing to note is that our Windows are malleable. If your window has narrowed because of traumatic life events, it can be widened via therapeutic interventions and through learning how to manage difficult emotions, etc.
Do you think you have a narrowed window of tolerance?

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