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We live in his story.

The degree the gospel is piercing and affecting my heart will be the extent to which I will respond to others in a Christlike manner.

Without humility, passion creates disunity in our communities.

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Counting others more significant has a passive, positive effect on our souls.

NEVER FORGET who you are and primary allegiance.

When two people can share their “full experience with God” with each other—what’s working and what needs to change, they will have the deepest possible communication (koinonia).

Typically, we talk about the good and positive things the Lord is doing in our lives, but when we let others in on our struggles and need to change, the relationship becomes more God-centered and mutually satisfying.

This ideal is the goal for all marriages, instead of the barriers that tend to come up between us, impeding us from entering each other’s full experience with God.

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EACH WEEK, Rick outlines a detailed analysis of one of our training graphics. This week's is "THE COUNSELING WINDOW." He wants you to get an idea of the training in our private community. ENJOY! You're welcome to JOIN here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/

The “Counseling Window” infographic presents a biblical framework for understanding the nature, expectations, and limitations of the counseling process. This concept offers a balanced view, acknowledging both the counselor’s role and God’s sovereignty in the transformation of an individual. At its core, this approach emphasizes that true, lasting change is a divine work of grace, not merely a human endeavor. Let’s delve into the key components and implications of this model.

1. God Grants Repentance: The Foundational Truth

The most crucial aspect highlighted by the Counseling Window is that God grants repentance. This echoes Paul’s words to Timothy, where he affirms that God, not the counselor, is the initiator of true change (2 Timothy 2:25). This understanding is liberating for the counselor, releasing them from the pressure of trying to force change, which can lead to unnecessary anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.

Recognizing God’s role helps the counselor avoid what is termed a “mini-messiah complex,” where the counselor starts to see themselves as the primary agent of transformation. Such a mindset can lead to negative behaviors like worry, cynicism, and even gossip or slander as they attempt to manage outcomes beyond their control.

A proper perspective sets the counselor free from over-worry, allowing them to focus on faithfully sowing seeds and trusting God to bring the growth. This approach demands a deep faith in God’s power to work in a person’s heart, in His timing, and through His methods.

Thus, the number one tool in the counselor’s toolbox is prayer.

2. Defined Start and Stop Dates

Every counseling relationship has a beginning and an end. While the counselor can guide, teach, and encourage, they cannot ensure that repentance or change will occur within that timeframe. Understanding this truth helps both the counselor and the counselee avoid unrealistic expectations.

The window of counseling is not a magical period where transformation is guaranteed. Change can happen at any time in the Christian life, from salvation to glorification. Counseling is a tool, a short season where specific issues might be addressed, but it is not the entirety of God’s work in a person’s life.

The counselor’s role is to plant and water, and God will determine when and how growth happens. Most transformative change often occursoutside* the counseling office, through personal discipline, community interactions, and ongoing sanctification.

4. Progressive Sanctification Over Counseling

The infographic emphasizes that biblical counseling is just one aspect of a broader process called progressive sanctification. This doctrine asserts that a believer’s transformation is an ongoing journey, extending far beyond any single season of counseling.

Counseling should not be viewed as a fix-all or a temporary repair. Instead, it is a subset of the believer’s lifelong journey of becoming more like Christ. The counselor’s job is to help the counselee understand this mindset, envisioning a life where growth continues even after the sessions end.

Counselees must understand that their primary responsibility is to be active participants in this journey. They should not expect the counseling sessions to carry all the weight of their change but should be prepared to engage in the ongoing work of self-examination, repentance, and application of biblical truth.

5. Avoiding Medication Mentality

Unlike taking medication, where “effects” are expected after ingestion, biblical counseling does not guarantee immediate or direct results. Change, in this model, is a cooperative effort between the counselee and God, where the process matters more than the perceived quick fixes.

This approach guards against the expectation that simply attending sessions will result in transformation. Instead, it directs counselees to embrace personal responsibility for their actions, thoughts, and spiritual growth.
For example, when parents bring a child to counseling, they need to understand that the child’s transformation is not in the counselor’s hands. This helps prevent misplaced frustration toward the counselor and encourages the parents to play a supportive role in their child’s growth process.

6. The Role of Homework and Active Engagement

The infographic advises counselors to assign homework, not as a mere task but as a gauge of the counselee’s commitment to the process. When counselees engage with the material outside of sessions, it shows a genuine desire for change and willingness to cooperate with God’s work.

Homework helps the counselor discern the seriousness of the counselee. It also reinforces the concept that most change happens outside the formal counseling environment, in the practical, day-to-day application of biblical principles.

7. A Lifelong Mindset of Change

True change is a lifestyle, not a momentary adjustment. The Christian life is characterized by ongoing repentance and transformation, where believers continuously engage with God, His Word, and His people.

Biblical counseling should encourage this mindset. Rather than seeing change as a destination, it must be framed as a journey. The ultimate goal is not just personal change but to grow into a disciple-maker, moving from self-centeredness to a love that serves others.

8. The End Goal: Disciple-Making

The ultimate test of change is when the counselee transitions from a self-focused life to an others-focused life. This shift is marked by a desire to help others grow, thereby becoming a disciple-maker.

This is the fruit of true transformation, where God’s grace has so impacted the individual that it overflows into their interactions, encouraging and discipling others in the same way they have been helped.

CASE STUDY: Mable and Mildred

Background:

Mable is a biblical counselor who began working with Mildred, a young woman struggling with anger and resentment toward her family. When Mable started counseling, she was optimistic about guiding Mildred to freedom from these issues. However, as weeks turned into months, Mable noticed that Mildred’s progress was minimal. This lack of apparent change led Mable to conclude that she was failing as a counselor.

WHAT WENT WRONG?

1. Mini-Messiah Complex:

Mable took on the pressure to bring about change in Mildred’s life. She often felt anxious before sessions, worrying about how to ‘fix’ Mildred’s issues. This self-imposed pressure caused her to overthink each session, making her overly critical of herself when progress seemed slow.

Instead of pointing Mildred to God’s power and role in her transformation, Mable subtly began to think it was her methods or words that would make the difference. This led to a cycle of self-doubt and frustration, as each session felt like a personal failure.

2. Unrealistic Expectations About the Counseling Window:

Mable did not clarify to Mildred that change might not happen within their sessions and that true transformation could take place long after their time together ended. Because of this, both Mable and Mildred placed too much emphasis on the immediate counseling process, leading to mutual disappointment.

Mildred had also developed a “medication mentality,” expecting the sessions to be a quick fix to her deep-rooted issues. When she didn’t see immediate results, she began to lose hope, which discouraged Mable further.

3. Lack of Vision for Progressive Sanctification:

Mable did not frame the counseling as part of a larger, ongoing process of sanctification. Instead, she treated it as a defined period where specific changes were expected. This mindset limited Mildred’s understanding of her role and responsibility in her own spiritual growth.

Mildred wasn’t given homework or practical steps to engage with outside of their sessions. She relied solely on their meetings, missing the crucial element of personal application in everyday life.

4. Failure to Envision Disciple-Making:

Without a vision for becoming a disciple-maker, Mildred’s motivation for change remained self-centered. Mable focused only on resolving Mildred’s immediate issues rather than helping her see how her growth could be a blessing to others in her life.
This approach limited the scope of Mildred’s transformation, and she never got to see the broader purpose of her change—that it was not just for her benefit but to equip her to help others as well.

THE OUTCOME:

After several sessions, Mildred stopped coming to counseling, expressing that it “just wasn’t working.” This left Mable deeply discouraged, leading her to conclude that she was not a capable counselor. She withdrew from counseling altogether, fearing that she would only cause further disappointment.
What Mable Could Have Done Differently:

1. Embrace and Communicate God’s Role in Change:

Mable needed to constantly remind herself and Mildred that true change is a work of God’s grace. This would have allowed her to rest in God’s sovereignty, freeing her from unnecessary anxiety and helping her counsel with confidence.

2. Clarify the Nature of the Counseling Window:

From the outset, Mable should have explained that their sessions were just a part of a larger process of sanctification. Setting this expectation would have prepared both of them for a journey rather than a quick fix.

3. Assign Practical Homework:

Mable could have provided Mildred with specific assignments that encouraged her to reflect, pray, and apply what they discussed. This would have helped Mildred engage with the process actively, giving her a sense of ownership over her growth.

4. Envision a Future of Discipleship:

Finally, Mable needed to cast a vision for Mildred to see beyond herself. Showing Mildred how her transformation could lead her to help others would have given her motivation rooted in love for God and others, shifting the focus from herself to a broader kingdom purpose.

CONCLUSION:

The Counseling Window offers a powerful and biblically grounded framework that can help counselors maintain a healthy perspective on their role. By acknowledging that God is the one who grants repentance, setting clear expectations, emphasizing personal responsibility, and cultivating a mindset of ongoing growth, counselors can effectively guide others through the transformative process. When counselors, like Mable, lose sight of these principles, both they and their counselees can end up frustrated. However, by embracing these truths, counselors can help those they serve move from self-focus to a Christ-centered life, characterized by ongoing repentance and the desire to disciple others.

Peace,
Rick

STAY FOCUSED: This world is not our home.

CLARIFYING POSTER distinguishing Psychology, Integration, and Scripture.

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We want to do our duty as temporary citizens by modeling and practicing stewardship opportunities. We are stewards of this gift of life, and casting a vote is one way to steward the responsibility of being a permanent Christian in temporary America. Read, Watch, or Listen here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/a-christian-perspective-on-the-presidential-election/

You know you’re old when…

Rick Thomas is a Fellow with Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. Part of his responsibilities is to supervise people through their counseling sessions as they seek certification with ACBC. Here is a recent response from Rick, though it has been flattened out and generalized, only to communicate the problem with being a victim.

Subject: Understanding Victimology and the True Victim in Christ for Counseling

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Hey [Candidate],
Thank you for sharing these notes on [C]’s progress. The path ahead for [C], especially regarding [C's] anger, bitterness, and unresolved issues with [C's] parents, is complicated. Yet, it provides an opportunity to help her understand what it means to be a victim and how to find true freedom in Christ.

Thus, in this response, I want to focus on one thing only, which is “one of several ways” to help [C]: being a victim. I want to ensure you thoroughly understand that word and, more specifically, how it applies to [C]. The concept of victimology, as well as understanding our humanity in the context of sin-bearing, is essential for [C's] counseling process.

Here’s a breakdown of the insights you can draw from biblical principles and her situation.

1: Defining Victimhood: The Vicarious Sufferer

The word “victim” has deep implications, especially considering its etymological root in “vicarious.” The term denotes one who suffers on behalf of or because of another, often in an unintended or indirect way. A “victim,” then, is not only someone who experiences the consequence of another’s actions but becomes a carrier, bearing that sin’s weight and effects without having the means to shed it. In [C]’s case, she’s a vicarious sufferer, unintentionally taking on her parents’ sin and brokenness. She was never meant to carry these sins—no human is. This condition is precisely why we have a Savior, the one true Victim, Jesus, who could take the sins of others fully upon Himself and break their power over us.

As you noted in your report, [C] doesn’t yet understand herself as a victim in this way. She senses the “yuck” of bitterness, hostility, fear, unforgiveness, and hopelessness as it accumulates in her heart, yet she doesn’t fully grasp that these sins are reactions to, and sometimes results of, her parents’ sins toward her. Without a clear understanding of what it means to carry others’ sins (in terms of hurt and brokenness) and the burden it creates, she can only continue to accumulate resentment, adding to her sin burden. She—unknowingly—is a sin-bearer who was never meant to bear sin in this way, which is the main point I want her to see.

2: The Burden of Victimhood and Casting Sin on Christ

As you observed, [C] is beginning to understand the sheer weight of her burdens. She’s seeing, at least in part, that this anger and bitterness against her parents is exhausting and overwhelming. But she must see herself as an unequipped human victim in need of casting these burdens onto Christ—the true Victim, not as one who is merely struggling with difficult feelings or familial issues. Being a victim is the status of the sin-bearer, and only Christ can ultimately take that burden off her shoulders because He is the only efficacious sin-bearer.

In light of this, the task is to help [C] understand the significance of casting her cares onto Christ, who alone can bear the sins of others. Her parents’ sins and [C]’s bitterness are burdens that Christ invites her to release to Him. Without doing so, she will continue to carry an impossible load, something only a true Savior (Victim) can handle. Helping her develop this understanding will also help her take a Christ-centered rather than a parent-centered approach to her struggles.

3: The Accumulating Sins of the Victim

Victims often don’t realize how many additional sins attach to the “host” of the initial hurt or betrayal. In [C]’s case, bitterness has grown extensively, as you’ve observed, and she’s only recently becoming aware of its pervasive nature. Bitterness, resentment, anger, and a deep need for justice have attached to her soul in response to her victimization. The impact of these “secondary sins” can often feel just as damaging, if not more so, than the initial offense because they take root in the heart and grow over time, shaping attitudes, thoughts, and even identity.

[C] does not yet acknowledge that her bitterness is a sin, a significant barrier to her freedom. She’s justified her anger, believing it to be merely a byproduct of her parents’ offenses, without recognizing how it affects her heart, soul, and relationship with God. Without a solid understanding of the doctrines of sin (hamartiology), human nature (anthropology), Christ’s work (Christology), and salvation (soteriology), [C] can only continue in her current cycle of accumulation and rationalization. The gospel calls her to a new way—to see her bitterness for what it is and turn to Christ, who alone can free her.

4: Misplaced Hope in Parental Apology Versus Christ’s Freedom

Another major area of misunderstanding is [C]’s belief that freedom will come only through her parents’ admission of wrongdoing. Her statement, “I have the right to my parents’ apologies,” underscores her belief that their validation of her suffering is necessary for transformation. This unbiblical thought is a misconception, and it’s crucial that you gently guide her to see the biblical reality here. While meaningful, human apologies (forgiveness) are never the primary means of overcoming sin. Only Christ’s intervention can free her from these sins’ weight, as He takes both the offense and its effects upon Himself.

While there is value in attitudinal and transactional forgiveness in relationships, true freedom and release for [C] will come only through recognizing that Jesus, not her parents, is her rescuer. When she depends on her parents’ actions rather than on Christ’s finished work, she places her hope in the fallibility of human effort rather than the eternal reliability of her Savior. This misplaced hope will continue to disappoint her until she sees Christ as the true bearer (Victim) of her burdens.

5: Moving Forward with [C]: A Christ-Centered Understanding of Victim Identity

Helping [C] recognize her status as a vicarious sufferer—someone bearing the impact of her parents’ sins—will be foundational in releasing her from this cycle. She can only find real transformation through understanding that while she has been a victim of sin, she no longer needs to carry it. Christ, the ultimate Victim, was the only one capable of truly bearing sin, absorbing its impact, and defeating it on the cross. Unlike [C], He could bear the sins of others perfectly and efficaciously. Her freedom, then, will come not from external admissions of guilt from her parents but from a deep, internal release of sin to Christ.

To walk her through this, consider framing her victim status as a call to Christ’s victory rather than an ongoing burden. This process may involve exploring her underlying beliefs about God’s justice, the cross, and her identity as one who has suffered. While you may also want to explore the attitudinal forgiveness she can begin to cultivate, the primary emphasis should remain on Christ’s completed work for her, allowing her to release her parents from the weight of “making it right” and seeing the gospel as her true source of liberation.

As you walk with her through this process, you are helping her move from a self-focused understanding of her hurt to a Christ-focused understanding of her freedom. Only by seeing her need for the true Victim will she experience genuine freedom from the cycle of accumulated sins.

Peace,
Rick

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