The Swallow's Trail Parenting Support

See you all in September!🥰

Hopefully this will help some of you! 🥰

This spoke to me in a big way because I think it's why I had a problem controlling myself with my kids at the beginning of their adolescence and why they sometimes exploded on me during that time. We wanted to be better, but we did not know how because none of us had seen how to express big emotions appropriately. It was my job to change that and to learn how to manage my feelings better. It took a ton of work and self-reflection, but it was worth it.

Love hard.

💭💭💭

Some things just have this way of staying with you the first time you read them..
This image from was one of those..
I am seeing a lot of this coming up for parents I work with.
Beliefs that are held tightly.
Deeper fears hiding beneath,
Does perfectionism serve a protective purpose?
And can we take a look at any fears what may be hiding underneath?

PossAbilities Shannon are having their next coffee morning tomorrow!

🌟 Join us for a Coffee Morning on Monday, July 15th at 10 AM SShannon Family Resource Centre

We're excited to have Marcia McDonough, a professional counselor, giving a talk on HomeShare Midwest. This incredible community-based service provides short break respite placements for children and adults with disabilities.

Everyone is welcome to attend, so please spread the word!☕️😊

@

I took another little dip into William Martin’s ‘Parents Tao te Ching’ and here was the message I got for today..
I must say I have found this one to be very very true over the years.
It’s good advice..
It reminds us to slow down,
To foster curiosity,
To be in awe of our children’s sense of wonder..
To find wonder again ourselves,
To follow their needs and lead where we can,
To try to be more in the moment..
Leave me a 💫 below if you are working on this!

A profound and thought provoking metaphor from shared by the wonderful
It reminds me of so many inspirational parents I am working with and have worked with over the past 12 years at The Swallow’s Trail..
Parents who are examining and wanting to unravel older patterns that are in many ways automatic or reflexive.
Reflecting on what they want to keep and what they would like to change to align with their values as parents today.
Untangling knots and confusions, especially in the area of feelings and messages we may have taken in when we were younger.
Intentionally weaving new skills and ways of being with feelings and understanding behaviour.
On this loom of life that we call parenting.
It’s a big one….
With no real guide books.
I was never the best at knitting and crafting, so there would be lots of holes in my attempts!🤣🤣
But isn’t that how we learn??
Learning to know and read our children’s cues and needs as well as connecting more deeply to ourselves- our intuition, strengths and talents as parents can help us to weave new threads, textures, colours, and golden richness into our lives.
Wanting to change patterns and intentionally creating new ones can be a real challenge for parents.
We might know what we want or need to create but may not be sure of how to get there….
Sometimes a little extra support can help.
I am Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist specialising in Compassionate and Empowering Parent Support.
When I first became a mum over 20 years ago I really wasn’t prepared for the level of challenge, sensory overwhelm, discomfort, struggle, reward, pride, love, wonder and learning about myself I was going to be experiencing.
And now my passion is supporting other parents along the trail…
No matter what stage they are at.
I hope you’ll follow along if you’d like to know more about me and what I do!

A look back over the week!

I might have found my new ‘why’..🥹
For me, there is something immensely powerful in bringing parents together in truly safe and accepting places to share our struggles and learn together.
The impact of working with these parents is genuinely inspirational to me.
I’ve been a registered parent group facilitator (RCOS-PF) since 2016.
This year was the first time I’ve ever offered the groups online.
I am thrilled with the feedback so I thought it deserved a space on the grid.
It is a model with a solid research and evidence base that is compassionate, empowering and truly supportive of parents.
It can be hard for me to describe the impact of COS so I asked parents to try and put it in their own words.
The reviews above are saying and conveying everything I would want for parents and caregivers to have experienced. It has been moving, humbling and affirming to read them.
I am hoping to run my next round in Autumn and will offer groups as regularly as I can.
Please feel free to get in touch with any questions or to register your interest.
Email is always best for me, the details are in my bio!

I have been taking a deeper dive into reading the work of Brené Brown on shame.
Shame is very different than guilt.
Guilt = I did something bad/wrong.
It is linked to action or inaction.
It can sometimes be a healthy emotion eg feeling remorse but it needs to be carefully balanced with self-compassion and reflection.
Lots of parents report feeling guilty about meeting their own basic needs.
This is NOT something that’s good or healthy for us to be feeling guilty about!!!
Shame goes much deeper and is more about your personhood/sense of self.
It’s not ‘I did something bad’ it’s more like ‘I am bad/ I am a bad mother/ I am a terrible parent’ etc.
I have been thinking about in terms of how it affects our parenting…
How it shows up,
What it looks like and how that differs for mums and dads,
How it manifests in our behaviour,
Why this is all so challenging for us as parents today,
Why we judge each other’s parenting choices,
Why it hurts so much when we feel judged,
Why we try and perfect (clue: it’s a protective mechanism against feeling shame)
Looking at this has helped me to understand my own drive towards perfectionism in my earliest days as a mum..
Understanding the impact of this has been so helpful to me in my work with parents,
So I thought I would share some more about it here.
As always I hope you will find it helpful.
Please like, share or save the post if you found it supportive or thought provoking!

Excellent post from Deborah MacNamara, PhD

Frustration is the emotion that moves us to change something that isn't working. For kids, it might be a limit they encounter or realizing they can't always win or avoid upset. Frustration is impossible to avoid as a kid or an adult and we can't always get what we want.

One of the ways we metabolize emotion is through play. When we play out frustration we can better preserve our relationships with others. As Lawrence Cohen writes, kids don't say they had a hard day - they ask to play.

Frustration-based play takes on a particular form through construction or destruction. If you can see there is frustration that needs to come out then helping a child or teen to construct or destroy things may help.

Play has always been Nature's therapy for us.

Could this statement explain the high levels of judgement parents are feeling?
Maybe it is all just coming from places of vulnerability, fear, shame and uncertainty?
Parenting is such a precious responsibility.
It’s a unique path and we all do our best.
Most of us worry about whether we are doing it ‘right’.
Lots of parents tell me they fear that they are messing things up.
So it’s fair to say we are vulnerable.
Vulnerable to feelings of guilt and shame…
So IS that why we judge???
I remember when I first read this from .
It was uncomfortable.
Quite confronting.
No one wants to think about themselves as being judgmental…
But it taught me a lot about my own vulnerabilities when I did..
It helped me to be more accepting and understanding of myself as a parent.
So many parents feed back that their parent support sessions feel safe, accepting and non-judgmental.
And that is exactly as it should be.
Maybe if we thought about judgement through a lens of protection, vulnerability and shame we might have more compassion for ourselves and each other as parents 💕
Leave me a 💕if you found this helpful to think about!

A reflective and mindful moment to begin the week..
I’ve been thinking a lot about the based on what I have been experiencing these past few weeks.
It all started with my lovely mum’s retirement last week after 35 years as a pre-school reacher. I saw that day the beauty and true power of a ripple effect on so many young lives.🥹
I also finished teaching a Therapeutic Play Skills course for and as a group we spoke a lot during our time together about the power of play, playful connection and the ripples participants were beginning to create in their own families and work with children and teens.
I teach on the Masters in Humanistic and Integrative Psychotherapy and Play Therapy where I get to share the ripple effect of my own learnings and journey as a psychotherapist and be part of the journeys of emerging therapists.
I get to watch them develop, bloom, blossom and grow in their work. 🌱
This year has seen a reigniting of my passion and pure delight in running parent groups.
Three groups of parents have taken the since February.
The ripples that this parenting programme sends out into the world are unmatched for me in terms of their relational power and compassion for children and their caregivers 💕
And then there are all the ripples that so many individual parents are creating in their own families;
When they learn new ways to communicate,
When they find new ways to strengthen connection with their kids and teens,
When they connect truly and fully with their strengths and instincts as parents,
When they learn new ways to help soothe worries, distress and big feelings,
A ripple effect begins…
And we know that it is powerful 💫
Sometimes you can’t fully see or know the impact of what you are doing until a much later time.
We can still trust that it is happening though!
What would it be like to pause and take some time today to reflect on ripples you are creating in your life, work and parenting?

Five years ago today, I found this little charm on the ground right outside the front door of my playroom.
It was just there….
I noticed it shining and picked it up.
It says ‘Believe’.
We had been searching for a home that we could make our own and we had just returned from viewing it.
I had gone back to work in my playroom afterwards.
I was working not to get my hopes up as we had been looking for a while and had been disappointed a few times.
It felt like what I call a lotto house to us.
One that you would admire on a Sunday drive….
Like a dream….
And it still does ❤️
Our home is our sanctuary.
I keep this in my home office now.
To remind me that it is important to hope.
And really good to dream.
But most importantly it reminds me
To believe 💫

Love this from Therapy with Abby

Many of us suffer from toxic busyness, living frantic, hurried lives that keep our nervous systems in a constant state of survival mode.

To heal, we need to slow down. But you don’t need to grind to a halt to show your nervous system that you’re safe. Slowing down might mean waking up 15 minutes earlier to start your day without rushing, resisting the urge to scroll on your phone before bed, slowing down your walking pace, or focusing on one task at a time instead of aggressively multi-tasking.

We resist a slower pace because we feel we don’t have the time or we think we don’t deserve it. Sometimes, we become addicted to our own adrenaline and fear the discomfort of slowing down.

In fact, we can become so accustomed to being in a permanent state of fight-or-flight that a gentle pace feels dangerous.

Creating capacity in our nervous system for a slower pace will help us walk away from toxic busyness and reclaim inner calm.

PossAbilities is returning!
I had the privilege of giving a little talk for parents a few years ago now so I’m delighted to see them back up and running again!💫
Please check out their post below for details of their upcoming coffee morning!☕️🍪

🌟 Exciting News! 🌟

'PossAbilities' Shannon is ready to get going again! We are a support group for parents of children and young adults with special needs, offering valuable peer support.

Thanks to the Shannon Family Resource Centre, who secured funding from TUSLA, we're thrilled to invite you to our initial coffee morning. Join us on the 24th of June at 10am at the Shannon Family Resource Centre. ☕️

Let's come together, chat, and brainstorm how we can support each other. Looking forward to seeing you there. Everyone is welcome.

I often dip into this wonderful little book when I’m needing inspiration or guidance or feeling a little stuck as a parent..
It never fails to deliver and help me to reconnect me to my values.
It challenges me to think about things in new ways.
In this extract alone there is so much food for thought…
Do you notice any line or idea that is resonating strongly with you as a parent
right now?
Leave me a comment below and if you enjoyed this post I am happy to share more just like it!💫

Excellent!!!

The key to raising secure children: Why parental sensitivity matters for fathers and mothers Being able to recognize and respond to a child’s needs is about being attentive and caring for the child, and this can be achieved by any caregiver.

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I’ve found this framework really helpful for myself as a parent when exploring ideas around responsibilities, duties, obligations and the concepts of ‘voice’ and considering where ‘choice’ can come in
in our parenting.
Where are the boundaries?
What are your expectations around responsibilities?
Are these expectations reasonable?
Are you communicating these clearly?
Are you leaving space for hearing everyone’s voice?
Do children/teens have an age appropriate level of choice?
Do you feel equipped to regulate big feelings that come as a result keep needing to take charge/ set boundaries?
All of these elements are important in cultivating a sense of personal responsibility and decision making capacity.
That’s what we want in the long term.
Is what we are doing right now supporting that?
Like, share or save if you found this idea helpful!

A little thought for Thursday…
Behaviour is communication.
Supporting children to regulate their emotional experiences builds emotional intelligence, resilience, impulse control and more.
Key skills needed from the adults include:
Being regulated ourselves (easier said than done!)
Being connected to our own feelings and triggers managing those (also easier said than done!)
Being mindful of our words and tone,
Being mindful of our non verbal communication
Being with our child/teens emotional experience with empathy and kindness, setting boundaries or taking charge when necessary.
Offering support, scaffolding and alternatives as needed.
I support parents to build their confidence, communication and regulation skills to support children with big feelings
For more information check out the link in my bio!