Sikunye

Did you know that dads who play with playdough with their daughters before the age of 2 help them grow up with a strong sense of security when they are teenagers? With facts like these, it is important for the local church to encourage the role of dads from the very beginning of a child’s life. Churches can do this by having a male role model in the church trained in Sikunye's Fatherhood in the FTD. This course will prepare you to run a program with dads, supporting and informing them on how to provide what their young child needs to thrive. Sign up here: https://sikunye.org.za/fatherhood-in-the-first-thousand-days/

What are you already doing in your church that equips parents? You might already have a course or a programme that helps prepare parents. We have found that many churches have parenting programmes for parents of older children – not in the first thousand days. Consider adapting this training to make this programme focused on parents in the FTD. You don’t have to wait to prepare someone to be a good parent. Churches that want to equip and prepare parents can work with others to see that parents are served.

One of the wonderful strengths local churches have is the range of social capital. More mature and respected parents can be mentoring and journeying with new parents. This is a powerful way of equipping and preparing parents without having to run a course or programme. Who can you ask to meet with a new family?

Scripture reminds us that every child is knitted together in their mother's womb. God knows each life by name. With that in mind, churches can create a welcoming space by celebrating new life. It could look like announcing pregnancies and birth (with permission), praying for families in church meetings at key milestones in baby's life, and dedicating children to the Lord. These moments can be used to raise awareness of the importance of the first thousand days, as well calling the broader congregation to be supporting and surrounding families.

Keen to find out more? Here is a resource to help you:
Baby dedication script: https://sikunye.org.za/baby-dedication-script-2/

You can create a warm welcoming space in any space – small church, big church, classroom, home. It is less about the physical space and more about the feeling and thoughtfulness that has gone into ‘seeing’ mom and ‘seeing’ dad. It is important to recognise there is no prescribed way to do this.

Ask parents what would help them to feel emotionally welcomed and safe. Take into consideration your context, like the size of your venue and the cultural practices in your church. This might include working towards changing the perceptions or attitudes of the congregation towards babies, young children, and nursing mothers as well as the role fathers play in caring for their little ones.

After hearing Sikunye share the role of the church in the first thousand days, a pastor decided to wait at the entrance to his church venue as the service started. This helped him to welcome everyone and observe a family in the FTD arriving late to get into the church meeting. He could see them rushing and had the chance to either scold them for being late, or to warmly encourage them. He chose to say, “Well done for getting here. I know it is hard work in this stage of life. Welcome!” This sent a powerful message: we see you, we understand this season is hard and we are so glad you are here.

What are other ways you and your church can welcome in families?

Building communities that are warm and welcoming for families in the FTD is something that is not only taught: it is caught. Congregants will observe the behaviour of the leaders to determine what is a priority and what is not. As a pastor, you have a unique role to play in helping people feel seen, embraced and welcomed. If you are a pastor or church leader, you model something of the heart of the church towards children and families. Your response to a crying baby in the middle of a sermon is observed; people listen more to our actions than they do to our words.

Every person entering your church has a first impression of how welcome they are. When you are considering how to warmly welcome families with young children, we encourage you to look at families' first impression. This happens long before the church leader speaks. It happens at the door, as the family finds a space and how people greet them. Regardless of your church building and space, it takes some intentional action to see all families warmly welcomed. If you have ushers, you can make them aware of how important it is to welcome families in. They can be the first to 'see' mom and dad, and help them feel at home.

Every church wants to be the safest place in the community for children. But this doesn’t happen because of intentions alone. Things need to be put in place to ensure children are protected. In fact, a Child Protection Policy is a legal requirement of faith communities. Explore what your church’s policy is. If it does not yet have one, have a a look at our resources linked below:
https://sikunye.org.za/wp-content/uploads/How-to-write-a-Child-Protection-Policy.pdf
https://sikunye.org.za/wp-content/uploads/1.-Child-Protection-Policy-Template-for-Churches.docx

At a time when families can feel isolated and alone, a warm and welcoming community can ensure that parents in the first thousand days do not slip out of community when they need support the most. They need this to parent well and ensure that their child receives all he/she needs to thrive in life. This is for all families – and especially families that may face additional challenges where they feel excluded or judged (like a noisy child, a child with a disability, unplanned pregnancy). When welcomed into a warm and safe environment families are more likely to keep coming back.

How do families in the first thousand days experience your church community and church meetings? Is it a space where families want to be each week because they feel seen, heard, loved and safe? FTD-Friendly Churches are seeking ways to create a warm and welcoming space/environment in their church that parents and families feel “at home” in. This month we will be exploring why creating this kind of environment is vital for children at the start of their life, and how your church can become that safe place for families in the first thousand days. How to create welcoming spaces: Link in bio.

Preparing our hearts as we Surround Families is important. And to do so, we can reflect on 1 Thessalonians 3:12 which highlights one of the most powerful features of local churches: the ability to create community around each other. FTD-friendly churches take steps to surround families in nurturing relationships. What does a nurturing relationship look like?

1 Thessalonians 3:12 describes how we are to love one another, just as Jesus’ actions showed his love for us. If we can love like that, then we can be the village around families in the First Thousand Days to love them and help them care for their child.

There are some very practical ways that churches and individuals can support families facing additional needs. This is all about using the strengths of your local church to support and surround families. The big idea is that at a time that families have more needs, the church moves closer towards them to ensure they do not drift out of supportive relationships.

Here's some ideas on how you can do that! (Swipe through the post)

In order to be an FTD-Friendly Church that surrounds families, you need to know who the families are in your church that are in the FTD. Go and listen to find out what is happening in their lives. Every family has strengths and challenges. Understanding them can inform how best serve, support and connect them. Here is a tool to help you:https://sikunye.org.za/wp-content/uploads/Listening-to-parents-and-families.pdf (Link in Bio)

Surrounding families by creating a modern-day village is important to prevent parents from feeling overwhelmed, lonely, isolated, stressed, or fearful. Parenting is hard and at Sikunye we believe that we are not meant to parent alone.

As you read what unsupported families may be experiencing, consider: What do you want them to experience from community in this important stage?

Being a parent of a young child has a range of positive experiences, but also brings challenges and burdens. And it can feel quite lonely. At Sikunye, we see the need for families to be in caring and supportive relationships. We call this Surrounding Families: one of six parts of a church being 'First Thousand Day-friendly". This is all about creating the modern-day village around families, ensuring that they have people they know they can turn to. This doesn’t happen by accident, and we see the local church as being a wonderful community in which to deliberately surround families in supportive relationships. When families are seen, are loved and belong, they are better able to parent their young children.

Resilience describes the ability to ‘bounce back’ from adversity and negative experiences. It is hard for parents to consistently provide enough of what their young child needs, whilst carrying additional burdens. One of the biggest factors to build a family's resilience is supportive relationships. By looking out for others, and being part of their village of support, we can be strengthening families to ‘bounce back’ when life is pushing them down.

To find out more about the science of resilience, and how to avoid toxic stress, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r8hj72bfGo (Link in Bio)

Children and young people have the same general human rights as adults, but also specific rights that recognise their needs which must be protected. This includes the unborn child, and the child under the age of two years. These rights are enshrined in law: The Convention on the Rights of the Child and the African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child. Beyond knowing these rights, it is essential that adults are on the lookout for where children’s rights are being neglected. It is these adults (in churches, communities and families) that can stand up for children. These caring adults can ensure families are accessing services and receiving support.

Here are some resources to help you ensure your church and the families in your church are a safe place for children in FTD, which is all rooted in building positive and supportive relationships with families in the First Thousand Days: (You can find these links in out bio)

Good Friday reminds us that Jesus laid down His life for us.

Part of what made Jesus unpopular with the religious establishment of the time was how He reached out to those that society had rejected. These ‘sinners’ were shunned, pushed out, and not allowed to be part of various religious activities. The cross reminds us that we are all sinners in need of grace: we are all equal at the foot of the cross.

Consider for a moment your heart’s response to families and parents that our communities are shunning: the teenage parent, the single parent, those with children with disabilities. This Good Friday, we encourage you to explore how to sacrificially love those families, reaching out to them and strengthening them.

Earlier this month was World Birth Defects Day (WBDD) which helps us to raise the awareness of what families face when raising a child with disabilities. The theme this year was “Every journey matters,” highlighting the need for us to seek to understand what families go through as they work to give their child a strong start to life. You can imagine: there are so many additional challenges these families face. They need more support from caring adults.

With so many misunderstandings around birth defects, families may feel judged and shame by others, leading them to being isolated without the care and support they need.

As we focus on supportive relationships this month, we encourage you to be looking out for families with children who need that extra support. Explore how you can be supporting them on their journey.

Find out more about Births Defect Awareness here: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/features/birth-defects-awareness.html

From the outside it is easy to guess what mom is thinking, feeling and experiencing in her parenting journey. But every parenting story is unique. There are ever-changing layers of complexity and nuance. To be a supportive part of someone’s village involves listening to that story. Be respectfully curious and don’t assume or project your hopes (or fears) onto mom and dad. Every family has a unique set of strengths, challenges and opportunities. Take the time to really see mom and dad as you journey with them in this important time.

“They say it takes a village to raise a child. But modern parents don’t live in villages. Parents often dive alone into the most important life changing role they will ever have, with little preparation and support. What today’s parents need is modern villages!” - Liz Lian

The big idea of a modern-day village is a network or support for parents. Picture a range of people, all able and willing to journey with parents. Think of people parents can turn to for advice, or to simply listen, or to babysit when chores need to be done. This is not a range of perfect people, all experts. These are ordinary people, willing to journey with a family through this crucial time.

If you'd like to watch Liz's TedX Talk on how if it takes a village to raise a child, build your own - the link is in our bio.

“Studies around the world show that what is needed is a loving parent/caregiver, an additional caring adult standing by the child and connections to opportunity – even modest opportunities - at crucial times in a child’s life.” – DGMT video

Two sets of relationships are critically important for the wellbeing of young children. Firstly, between the primary caregiver and the child. Baby’s brain is dependent on a nurturing and responsive relationship with mom or dad to receive all that he or she needs for healthy growth.

The second crucial set of relationships is those that mom or dad have with other adults. They need supportive relationships to consistently provide what baby needs. Consider that the relationships mom and dad have create an environment around them that either strengthens and supports good parenting, or brings in challenges and barriers.

There are many changes happening in mom’s body as her baby grows, which can make mom more vulnerable to mental illness. Women are at higher risk of developing depression or anxiety during pregnancy and after birth. Worldwide about 10% of pregnant women and 13% of women who have just given birth experience a mental health disorder, primarily depression. In South Africa this is even higher at 33%. This means that 1 out of 3 women during or after childbirth will experience depression and/or anxiety. Depression can lead to unhealthy behavioural changes and as a result baby’s growth and development may be negatively affected.

Importantly, maternal mental disorders are detectable and treatable – with various services and organisations such as (Perinatal Mental Health Partnership) and (South African Depression and Anxiety group) who offer support to mom. But as the local church, you play an important role by building positive and supportive relationships with mom, to help her care for herself and baby well – by providing the love, care and encouragement. It is important to ‘see’ mom, and journey with her in a compassionate, non-judgmental way, as she accesses the help that she needs.

Watch this video, about Xolelwa’s story in Khayelitsha, Cape Town, where rates of postnatal depression are three times higher than in developed countries:
https://youtu.be/-gV_Fruzm2s

Did you know that building brains starts in the womb? Swipe to read some interesting facts about brain development in the early stages of pregnancy. 🤰🏽✨

Here are some resources you can use to remind mom and dad that brain-building starts even while the baby is in the womb:

Bond with your baby in the womb during pregnancy:https://sikunye.org.za/wp-content/uploads/8-ways-to-bond-with-your-baby-in-the-womb.pdf

Share www.vroom.org with mom and dad to find out what activities they can do with the baby to build his/her brain.

Finding out you're pregnant marks the start of an unbelievable journey. So many changes and powerful feelings! Each pregnancy tale is unique. We cannot tell what mom (and dad) are going through just by looking. Depending on what is going on, they may not feel joyful or excited about the future. It is very normal to have uncertainties, fears, confusion, and worry. And these could vary over time.

But mom and dad don't have to do it alone. Providing support during pregnancy is critical. The first step in building a supportive relationship is to listen. As you listen, there may be an opportunity to share information, skills or the services of a professional, as needed. Here are a few resources that may be helpful to mom (You can find these links in out bio):

Ante-natal and post-natal classes, hosted by Flourish. Go to https://flourishnetwork.org.za/ to find out about the nearest class.

Caring for mothers, caring for you: information, suggestions and support for mothers and their carershttps://www.westerncape.gov.za/first-1000-days/sites/first-1000-days.westerncape.gov.za/files/atoms/files/Maternity%20Booklet_Eng.pdf

Pregnancy: information for mothers, from the Perinatal Mental Health Project:https://pmhp.za.org/wp-content/uploads/Leaflet_Mothers_English.pdf

A pregnant woman requires adequate sleep, healthy food, appropriate health care, understanding employers, and the opportunity to listen inwardly while her baby’s body and brain develop in the womb. What role can you play in helping pregnant women in your church or community?

As we promote awareness of pregnancy awareness, reach out to a mother or father who is expecting a child and ask them what they require at this time of life. Listen to where mom or dad is at and feel empathy for their unique circumstances and narrative. Ensure that they feel seen, loved, and cared for throughout this time.

Watch the full video on ‘What a pregnant woman needs from the people around her” by Van Leer Foundation here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCOmWKjT2Po (Link can be found in our bio)

Blessed Christmas to you! Today we celebrate the most significant of births - one that changed the course of human history. Even as we remember this one birth, we are reminded that every birth is precious. Every life, every breath taken, every heartbeat of each child is important to our Heavenly Father.