Carly's Couch

You’re probably wondering what coaching is all about and why I’ve added it to my offerings here.

I love that coaching feels like operating in a different gear from therapy.

Therapy is a wonderful long-term process whereby we get to know you via in-depth discussions that are more a reflective process than anything else. We don’t necessarily have goals and objectives and we definitely don’t think in terms of measurable success.

What I love about coaching is that it’s a short-term intervention. We set goals and introduce new frontiers for you to traverse.

Unlike therapy we don’t focus on sitting with what happened to you and how this informed where you are today (a really useful and meaningful process by the way).

Coaching is all about where you are going. It’s about painting a picture of a desired future and then mapping out the steps towards getting there.

In coaching, you choose a topic to work through and we focus on aiding you to shift your patterns so that you can actually see change in how you are thinking about the topic.

Through coaching you will be empowered to take actions that will move you towards the future you.

You will learn to make use of the skills you already possess and help build new capabilities along the way.

Coaching offers insights but also, most importantly, practical tools. We will design and implement exercises and practices that you will do daily to build new capabilities. So yes that means homework!

The tools you get will be available for you to practice and master after the coaching sessions end so this helps you to keep doing the work and being responsible and accountable for your success and development, obviously with my support and guidance.

If any of this sounds interesting to you please DM me or email me on [email protected]

I’m still running my opening special which offers a major discount for new clients.

Oh Baby, WTF! is an antenatal class with a difference. Unlike traditional antenatal classes, this course does not focus on birth, breastfeeding and baby care.

Oh Baby, WTF! focuses on the impact of having a baby on every sphere of your life:

• your relationship to self (your identity)
• your relationship with your partner
• your relationship to your wider community
• your relationship to your career

From understanding matrescence to being able to determine what levels of anxiety are normal or when one needs to get medical help, this course aims to provide a textured account of the emotional landscape of early parenthood.

From this course you will walk away with a broad understanding of what baby’s impact will be AND you will be equipped with a number of practical ways to manage the inevitable upheaval with your mental health intact!

After a once-off payment of R700 you will get login details so that you can get lifetime access to the course content.

Tap the link in my bio and follow the prompt for “online products”

Hello!

I feel like I need to reintroduce myself and this page.

I’m Carly. I am a clinical psychologist in private practice.

I work out of Constantia and currently my practice is full.

I come here to Instagram to get and share inspiration, to connect with people, and to share about the services that I offer in addition to therapy.

1. I have a podcast called On the Couch with Carly - it’s a place for me to share my thoughts and sometimes I interview interesting people. You can find it on Apple or Spotify or follow the link in my bio.

2. I also have two online courses that you can buy right now on my website. They are both geared towards expecting parents.

Oh baby WTF! is a psychological antenatal class that prepares you for what life with a baby is like, how it impacts every sphere of your life: your identity, your relationships and your career. I also share a handy toolkit for you to use in those WTF moments.

Ready, steady, Baby! is a couples coaching course that specifically prepares YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTER for having a baby.

3. I am about to qualify as an integral coach and this will be another kind of offering for me. More to be revealed soon.

For those that know this page, what do content do you enjoy and what would you like to see more of? And please just post a ✌️ or a ❤️ in the comments to say hi. Your engagement is appreciated 🙏

LONG TIME NO POST 😅

Hello! Gonna try be more active on here again. If you’re seeing this please like, save, share this post!

Sleep training is a divisive topic and in the last three episodes of the podcast I have tackled it head on.

My take on infant sleep was the second last episode. After listening to that, Karlien Terblanche contacted me and asked if she could be on to chat about her experience with sleep training. She had always believed she would be in the “cosleeping camp” but things didn’t turn out that way.

In the latest episode we get into it. Here are some highlights.

Please be advised that I am NOT suggestion anyone sleep train their infant. I am trying to bring attention to the messy middle of parenting, the figuring it out, the trying it on for size, the efforts we go to on our journey to find regulation and secure attachment.

Find what works for you. You know best. ✌️❤️

Feeling overwhelmed by all the demands at the end of the year? You are not alone! Let’s think through this together…

The holiday season is upon us and every year I speak to people who are stressed out by the demands of this period.

Most people need to decompress after the year of work/school/parenting/ etc but instead there is an expectation to spend the holidays with large groups of people celebrating and being merry.

For some that may be just what the doctor ordered but I know that many actually need to find time to calm and reconnect.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed then you know that you have reached a limit. And that is when you need to hold a boundary.

1. Figure out what you’re feeling
2. Acknowledge the feeling and where you feel it in your body
3. Work out what your limit/boundary is
4. Communicate your boundary

It’s not easy but it’s so needed. Flip the script. Say no to event invites. Choose to stay at home more. Choose your own company and the things that bring calm. You will know when you are ready to re-engage again when you start to feel you have energy and capacity. Trust that you will know when that is.

✌️

Let’s talk about our mental health

I’m going to be doing a live with and this Thursday (26/10) at 8pm. Hosted by ❤️

On the topic of mental health and motherhood, is there a particular issue you would like us to talk about?

Drop a comment or dm me 👇

What do you want to know about taking care of babies?

Next week I’ll be sitting down with .sense to answer all your questions.

Meg is a renowned parenting expert, the author of numerous books and creator of the .app

We can ask her anything to do with babies so please comment below with your questions for Meg ⬇️ or send me a DM if you’d like to stay anonymous.

I have a request.

I am looking for stories of early parenthood.

Do you have a story from your own experience of the following:

- the journey of matrescence
- shifts in your identity since becoming a parent
- shifts in your relationship with your partner
- the complexities of managing friends and family after you have a baby
- going back to work

Please email [email protected] or DM me

Got a couple more spots available

I’m starting to see clients again from 1 September in my rooms in Constantia.

Please get in touch if you would like to book an initial meeting.

In-person sessions only
Tuesdays during office hours

Get in touch via DM, email [email protected] or msg 0712287084

I have very limited availability!

I’m baaaack. Not at work but back on the gram. And I’m here to remind you to check out my podcast.

Since I’ve been gone I’ve release a few very imperfect episodes:

1. New Year, New Me (A life update)
2. The final stages of pregnancy
3. Back from Beyond
4. Why Breastfeeding is Hard
5. Seeking order in the newborn chaos
6. Tools for surviving Postpartum

Which is your fave episode? Do you have any follow up questions? What did you find helpful?

Please share, like, follow, rate/review - it will help me a lot! ❤️

Congratulations to who has won our competition and will be joining us on Saturday for our once-off antenatal workshop.

For anyone else who is thinking about attending, here are the details.

To book your spot please eft me and confirm your booking.
(Details on the second slide)

If you have any questions about the content of the course please ask!

There is the option of joining via zoom on Saturday.

The cost is the same.

There will be a recorded version made available at a later stage as well.

✌️

It’s the most _____ time of the year!

For some it is wonderful like the song but for many of us this time of the year is a mad rush to the finish, filled with anxiety over money, family conflict, feelings of loss and overwhelm.

As someone described it to me: “It’s like an advent calendar of meltdowns” at this time of year.

So if you’re feeling like every day is just one emotional meltdown after the next for you, you’re not alone.

There is also a lot of pressure to be jolly and to engage in lots of socializing even though you might be burnt out and needing a break.

So flip the script and focus on nurturing yourself instead.

Choose from the following activities and make sure to do one a day (like an advent calendar of selfcare).

1. Rest
2. Walk in Nature
3. Swim in cold water
4. Phone a friend
5. Say no to an invite
6. Practice mindulness
7. Stretch your body
8. Listen to music
9. Watch a Christmas movie
10. Talk to someone
11. Put your phone away
12. Lie on your back
13. Drink a glass of water
14. Play with a puppy
15. Play with children
16. Take yourself out on a date

Which is your favourite? Which do you find hardest to do? Tag a friend who needs this right now or comment below with suggestions of some self care activities to add!

This is one of my last social media posts for the year.

If you listen to my latest podcast episode you will understand why.

In this episode I talk about how I aim to challenge myself as I go on maternity leave.

I, like you, am on my phone too much and I need to make a change.

I know the ways in which this platform can be beneficial but I believe that my phone/social media addiction is causing more harm than good right now.

I am curious to know who I am and what I do when I don’t resort to mindless scrolling whenever I feel bored/anxious/overwhelmed.

Do you want to join me on this challenge?

*Upcoming event*

In this episode I discuss the reasons I’m offering this once-off antenatal workshop in the V&A Waterfront on 10 December 2022.

Oh baby, WTF! is a workshop that all expecting first time parents should attend. Unlike traditional antenatal courses, it REALLY prepares you for what it’s like to bring home a new baby.

The focus is on the experience of becoming a parent so that you are prepared for the many ways that having a baby impacts on every sphere of your life including your identity, your relationship with your partner and your community, as well as your work/career.

You will also be provided with a toolkit for how to navigate those WTF moments with your mental health intact.

So please join us for this once-off workshop.

Contact me or to book your spot!

Also today I am joined by who shares about her pregnancy journey, as well as her insights around mental health during pregnancy.

The transformative process of becoming a mother starts in pregnancy. Jess shares her biggest lesson thus far.

Listen now on or or follow the link in my bio.

Today on the podcast I’m talking about BIRTH OPTIONS

While you’re pregnant you can start to think about what kind of birth you would like.

Although I believe that most of our energy and planning should go into a postpartum plan (see future episodes), I know that most people will spend a lot of time thinking about birth.

1. It’s important to get ALL THE INFORMATION so that you are aware of your options

2. We might have desires for our births but it is not guaranteed we will get the birth we want

3. Have a plan B, make allowance for things not working out and make peace with those options too

4. Birth trauma is often exacerbated by feelings of powerlessness. So, however it turns out, feeling empowered is key here. Do whatever you need to feel EMPOWERED.

5. There are lots of emotions involved in navigating your options including fear, confusion, overwhelm, and disappointment.

Do you have any follow up questions? Please feel free to ask here in the comments or DM me!

On the Couch with Carly - New Episode out today!

How Pregnancy Teaches You About Boundaries

“Pregnancy is a time of adjustment. Like all adjustments, it's a process that involves resistance and surrender. In this episode I talk about how I surrendered to a part of the process this week that taught me again how to take care of my needs via communication of a boundary. I hope it inspires you to do the same.”

Last week I asked for recommendations from you for therapists who work with new mums.

I am no longer taking on new clients as I only have a few more weeks until I go on maternity leave.

So I am also looking for people to recommend to existing clients as well as new referrals that come through.

The therapists listed here are all people that you have seen or are seeing for therapy who have helped you and supported you through the transition of becoming a parent.

Aadilah, Candice and Damini are all part of .conscious.psychologist network of therapists in Joburg.

Other than that the rest of the ladies on this list are not on Instagram so I can’t tag them.

Please google their names to find their locations and contact details.

Unfortunately only CPT and JHB therapists on the list but I think a lot of these ladies are happy to work online so worth giving them a shout even if you aren’t in these cities.

And if there is anyone else you would like to add to the list now please tag them or mention them in a comment below or via DM. I will add to the list!

Thanks for your recommendations. Moms need support!

Heavy topic today on the pod.

Unfortunately pregnancy loss/miscarriage is part of many people’s fertility journey.

Loss is loss.

Grief comes in many different forms and it’s important to know how to identify and what to expect from the process.

But the most basic truth is that each person processes it differently.

In this episode I attempt to discuss the way it might feel to experience loss due to miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, and neonatal death.

I also add some insights for those who want to support someone who has experienced a loss of this kind.

Be gentle out there, people. You don’t know what others are going through ❤️

Today THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER ASK A PREGNANT PERSON

People get way too nosey when you’re pregnant. On the podcast today I’m talking about a few of those things you should never ask a pregnant person.

I offer suggestions of things to say / ways to ask that are not invasive but offer support and compassion instead.

Also, if you’re pregnant, I offer some advice on how to navigate boundaries with perfect strangers asking invasive questions.

I’d love to hear from you. What were some of the weird and (not so) wonderful questions you got from people around pregnancy and birth?

Drop a line below 👇 or answer the anonymous question box in my stories.

Listen to the full episode anywhere you listen to podcasts or follow the link in my bio 🫶

Have you ever worried that something you eat or drink might kill another human being?

Sound extreme? Welcome to the first trimester…

In the second episode of season three I take you through the common emotional experiences of early pregnancy.

Listen to this episode to find out how in the first three months of pregnancy you will likely traverse almost every emotion including longing, hope, joy, fear, loss, guilt and relief.

Do you relate to the content of this episode?

I hope we all feel an increased sense of compassion for those experiencing early pregnancy (and pregnancy loss).

Listen to the episode wherever you get your podcasts or follow the links in my bio.

Don’t forget to comment below and tag those who you think might enjoy this one 👇

Right! Today is the day!

First episode of season 3 of the podcast is out ✔️

I make a huge announcement on this episode ✔️

Things are gonna sound and look different around here ✔️

And it’s all about embracing the imperfect and making space for what will come ✔️

To find out more, listen to the latest episode wherever you listen to podcasts (links in bio)

As always, I’m keen to hear from you. What are your thoughts after listening?

I have been very inspired by the recent conversation of and on the

The following slides are a summary of their ideas and I have been sitting with this all week.

What are your thoughts?

Although remote working has its benefits, we’re starting to see its effect on people’s mental health. And it’s not looking so good…

I have observed lately what many in the field have already pointed out, that remote working is not really all that great for mental health.

“The APA conducted an online survey of 1,000 remote workers between March 26 and April 5, 2021. The majority of employees working from home say they experienced negative mental health impacts, including isolation, loneliness and difficulty getting away from work at the end of the day”

Since the start of the pandemic, many businesses have allowed their office employees to work from home. Working remotely means more flexibility, less driving time and perhaps an increase in comfort for many people. For parents, it’s meant they can be more available to their children (which in itself is actually more stressful than helpful sometimes).

But lately (through observations of clients and acquaintances) I have seen these detrimental effects of working from home.

At the moment, businesses are also encouraging people to return to the office but during this phasing in period, there is even more upheaval as people are expected to work some days in the office and some at home.

We need a sense of belonging and continuity in order to feel safe and secure. This means that going to the same work place each day, having your desk next to the same colleagues who you can chat to in coffee breaks or at lunch and feeling “at home” in a space is all very important.

So who of you are feeling a little displaced at the moment while working remotely?

Have you noticed that you’re feeling lonely or isolated working on your own more?

Do you resonate with the idea of needing the office to be “a home” of sorts?

And does being without a sense of continuity and belonging in the workplace affect your emotions / mental health?

Web source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2021/10/15/remote-workers-report-negative-mental-health-impacts-new-study-finds/?sh=130f936b74b8

A new episode of the pod is out!

Some of you may know that I am a licensed Circle of Security Parenting Facilitator but do you even know what that means?

On the podcast today I chat to Bev Molver from Heart Shift, who is an experienced COSP facilitator. She shares her insights as a parent and expert in the field.

Find out why this is not just another parenting workshop because

- it’s not a behavioural modification programme
- it doesn’t tell you what to do
- it is all about developing a relationship with your child
- it’s based on decades of attachment theory research
- it helps you as a parent work through your emotional struggles

But also just go and have a listen to the episode now!

And if you have any questions please pop them below👇

Many of us are still recovering from the last 2.5 years.

We need to acknowledge that our bodies and minds have been through a lot.

When we talk about self care we must remember that we are talking about activities and experiences that feel good to you, that are for you and bring you joy.

But what if the things you used to enjoy doing like reading, painting, cooking etc were the ONLY things you could do for the last two years while stuck in your house.

Suddenly those same things don’t bring you the same joy.

The solution: our brains and bodies need to be stimulated by new EMBODIED experiences.

Take a class, walk a new route, try out a new park, try a different exercise class, take yourself off to a new cinema or just go shopping and try some new clothes on.

These are things that covid may have taken from us but it’s time to start tugging back a little now.

Bringing new experiences towards yourself will shake you out of that slump.

I challenge you try do one new thing a day for the next 7 days and then tell me how it feels?

Last week in moms group we got stuck into the topic of RACE.

It is tricky and incredibly important that we have these conversations, especially in South Africa.

What I learned:

- we all want to protect our children and keep them safe but as soon as our kids enter the big bad world (which happens much sooner than we would like perhaps) we have to encounter the sometimes toxic influence on our sweet little innocent babies.

- race is a huge topic in SA. There is still huge racial segregation, especially in Cape Town, where certain suburbs are predominantly white.

- this means that our kids are seeing white people drive to work and black people walk to work as the norm,
- white people eat at restaurants, block people serve at restaurants etc.

- the economic reality, especially in Cape Town is that there is massive inequality and our children are seeing this as normal in 2022

- this has a different impact for parents of colour and those who have mixed race children

- there is also the question of school. What schools are truly integrated and diverse? Do schools even value diversity? What do schools even consider to be diverse enough?

When trying to make a decision about what school to send your child to, you need to weigh up academic/learning environment, as well as diversity and inclusiveness. It can make the decision very tough.

For a parent with a mixed race child, choosing a mostly white school might mean better education but will the child experience micro-aggressions from teachers and peers?

How do we talk to our kids about race?
We should be starting young. From at least 3. It’s actually never too soon to start.

Please share your comments and suggestions on this topic as well as any resources you may have.

* NEW PODCAST EPISODE IS OUT *

Boitumelo Dibakoane is a registered birth doula. Her harrowing experience as a young, scared, first time mother inspired her to help others. This story comes with a trigger warning for obstetric abuse and birth trauma. Unfortunately this is a common theme for many who give birth in South Africa. Find out how Boitumelo is fighting for the rights of black women in particular.

Join our parent support group!

We meet weekly on Wednesdays at 10:00 over zoom.

Suitable for parents of all genders (just happens to be only moms right now).

This intervention is proven to be effective in:

- reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness

- combating feelings of guilt and shame

- increasing self-care activities

- increasing sense of belonging and community

And it’s much more affordable than therapy!

Sessions cost R300 per hour, and the majority of that can be claimed back from medical aid.

DM or fill out form in my bio to sign up for a trial session!