Susan Aiken Marriage and Family Therapy

A must read for all parents!

Stanford Dean Says Parents are Ruining Their kids By... As Julie served as the Dean of Freshman at Stanford, she and her colleagues were astounded as the academic caliber seemed to increase dramatically from one

so simply beautiful

Good article ...

How Toxic Parents Topple the Foundations of Maslow’s Pyramid | World of Psychology We all share similar needs, and for them to be satisfied in order to create a good life and become all that we can be. Psychologist Abraham Maslow described the levels of need in ascending order. We can jump over a level, but if we do, then the inner structure of our life feels shaky because of the…

My sisters wisdom.

The depth of this has become etched on my soul after working with so many clients over so many years.

This is true and also the strangest experience as a parent. These little beings that we are so viscerally bonded to and feel so responsible for leave! As they should ... And I learn to let go in ways I never imagined. Life is always teaching me new tricks!

The connection between our gut and our brain, and what that means for mental and physical health. Important information. - short read.

Meet Your Second Brain: The Gut - Mindful How what's going on in your gut could be affecting your brain.

Truth

Hello Everyone: I will be giving a talk Sat. July 9th in San Jose for those going through divorce. There will be three of us presenting covering financial issues, legal issues and the emotional issues connected to the divorce experience. There is no charge. It is being offered as a service. Please read the flyer for more info.

"What shuts down the heart more than anything is not letting ourselves have our own experience, but instead judging it, criticizing it, or trying to make it different from what it is. We often imagine there is something wrong with us if we feel angry, needy and dependent, lonely, confused, sad, or scared. We place conditions on ourselves and our experience: 'If I feel like this, there must be something wrong with me… I can only accept myself if my experience conforms to my standard of how I should be.”
(Thank you Carol Adamski for sharing this beautiful article by John Welwood.)

The Practice of Love By allowing yourself the space to be as you are, you discover a self-existing sanity that lies deeper than thought or feeling.

Rules to live by Parents!

From Tara Brach:

Hi Everyone - Here is an opportunity for those of you who are going through a divorce. It is free and being presented by experts who I know. I will be presenting with them the first Sat. in July. This is worth your time.

A wave comes, builds, peaks, and breaks. Feelings act in this exact same way. This a perfect analogy. Learning to ride the wave of feeling means being fully present to the experience. Moving with the feeling and going into it gets you to the other side. No thought or feeling is permanent. Neither is a wave.

ALL people need love and acceptance.

Empathy and understanding must precede advice.

(image via Karen Salmansohn)

Oh Yes!

Love for another is a beautiful thing. Love for self is just as beautiful.

Truth!

“When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.” ― Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent

How do you separate who you are from who your child is?

Instead of “flipping your lid” take a time out. It is not possible to have a productive or positive dialogue when you are in a reactive state of mind. Your body literally shifts all it’s resources away from the part of the brain where reason, logic and problem solving happen to the reptilian brain where we react by fighting, fleeing or freezing.

When we are being ruled by the reptilian brain we retreat or we attack. We say and do things we never would if we were in our “right minds.” So stop. Step down. Say you need some time to calm down. Say you’ll be back. And then come back when that happens. A time out is not about avoiding issues. It is about bringing your wise adult self to the conversation.

Words matter. Tone, inflection, body language all add meaning. Words form the bridge between us ~ from our internal world to the internal world of the other. They bring us closer together and they push us apart.

John Gottman, a relationship researcher, tells us that it takes five positives to balance out one negative. That's quite an equation!

Open your heart to what you appreciate in your loved one. This is how love grows. Then speak about this to your beloved. Let the words of appreciation flow between you and just watch what happens.

There are no bonds stronger than those we have with our mothers, fathers, siblings, mates and children. It is always stunning to me how what is said to us from any of these important people carries immense weight. These people seem to have a direct channel to our hearts. Their words mean something to us. Their words impact us like no others.

Kindness, appreciation, respect, loving gestures, our truth told with kind honesty, and forgiveness ... these are the tools for building deep connection and affection.

We are powerful beings.

Starting the new year is often an interesting time. We review the past year looking at what was accomplished and what was not. We look forward to the new year making promises to ourselves about what we will do differently this time around. It is a time rife with danger for self-judgement and critical inner voices.

I invite you to see yourself with compassion and acceptance. From this softer place we are much more likely to make positive choices. Banish the inner critic who tries to whip you into shape with harshness. Gentle encouragement and positive comments are much better motivators.

Happy New Year Everyone. Isn't it amazing how quickly the years come and then go. Things come and go - two powerful forces - so acutely demonstrated everywhere we look.

May you see the beauty in what comes and goes this year and may you learn the powerful lessons meant especially for you.

Thank you The Work of Byron Katie